Affair Fog-LRT 2

[sandi2]

Here is a question....after reading some other sites that talk about how the first step in my process is to get her back in the house to be able to work on the M. That being separated it makes it that much harder to reconcile.

OMG! Stay off other sites. You can search around the Internet and stumble upon an answer you may like. My guess is that's exactly what you've been doing, b/c you didn't like the advice you were getting here. You don't have to follow the advice from us, but why read their stuff and then ask us about it?

If she were in the house right now, she would promptly announce that you would stay in separate bedrooms, b/c she did it last time she came home. She said, "take it a day at a time", and that is WW code which really means in-house separation. If there is one thing worse than being physically separated.....it is "in-house separation". In-house is the epitome of cake eating for the WW. IMHO, it's the worse move you could possibly make after telling her to leave due to contacting OM! She would never respect any boundaries after backing down. She would smear her affair in your face and feed you sh't sandwiches every day. Is it harder? You better believe it is. I may have already said this, but I've been here thirteen years this summer, and I have never seen a successful "in-house" separation that led to reconciliation. However, I have seen many couples (WW situations) reconcile after having physical separation. Of course, the WW had to end the A and go NC with OM, before moving back home, but it worked b/c she had space and time, and he enforced his boundaries......which led to their reconciliation. Know how the LBHS describe in-house separation? Soul sucking.

I am not even there yet but hearing to get her back in the house first just made me think.

You didn't have to hear it, b/c you've been thinking about it since she left and you your temper had time to cool down. Now you are lonesome and want her there.

She isn't coming in until she ends contact with the OM. That is my firm line. But waiting for a while after for MC and all seems counter-intuitive.

You are still hung up on the MC?? My suggestion was to strongly consider MC as one of your terms for reconciling. IMHO, it is better to get her agreement before she moves back home......or she'll probably not attend if she comes home without agreeing to your terms. As long as she ends contact with OM and agrees to transparency, she can come back home.......if you are okay with it. I was trying to give you a plan to help you prevent mistakes other LBH's made. Forget the MC, if you are so confused about it. One minute you are wanting her to go, so the MC will fix what's broken, and the next minute you are saying it is counter-intuitive. I've talked till I'm blue in the face, and you're still twisted. You're allowing your emotions to dictate your actions. First, you got angry she was still contacting OM and you kicked her out. You were hot and ready to email her a list of boundaries. Remember? Today, you are bored and lonesome and even considered going over to her parents, where she is staying.

I think I just need to back off a couple of days, b/c I feel you are misunderstanding too much of what I say. That's not your fault, it's mine. So, I'll back off and maybe some of the men can get through to you.