Both. I am grieving, again. And I feel desperate. I can hear my brain thinking of what I can do, feeling the urge to pursue, etc.
I also feel a strong urge, as I’ve mentioned, to kind of do a closing action. I think it feels important to me that he realizes that it isn’t me that’s holding him back, or keeping this divorce from progressing/making him feel pressure or guilt.
Leave him to his feelings. Nothing you do or say right now is likely to change his feelings. His guilt is his alone.
Check that you are not falling for the "illusion of action". This is another of those self-protecting DB principles. That doesn't mean all action is a bad idea. But I think it is wise to think about what is spurring you to action, and whether that action is likely to yield the results you are looking for.
