Searching for calm with shelter-in-place roommate

[Believe6]

I am so sorry you are stuck in the same space and get to hear all that. I used to try and "listen in" on my H. We still live in the same house with our kids. We are coridal now, which is nice. But my H told me a few days ago that he thought I was listening in on his conversations or people were breaking is confidence and telling me things. I admitted I was trying to listen in on his conversations because he never talks to me about anything and our trust has been nil since he had the affair.

The reality is, my H is dealing with a mild case of MLC. It's not as bad as many here are stating they are facing, but he still wants his space. Wants to run away. Or at least have a couple days to himself to "think things out" but with us all being stuck at home, he can't do that.

I am trying so very hard not to care myself. I need to focus on me, my kids, and getting a new job. I need to work on the parts of me I didn't like very much any more. I also needed to start connecting more with others. I have been doing that. Trying not to make him or my kids the only thing in my life. It hasn't been easy to force myself to stop listening in or checking his various social media/email. I am not doing that any more. I can't afford to.

I find that when I do, my mind gets crazy. My heart feels heavy and I can actually feel it start to harden. So I try very much to let my heart lead the way. I am reading a lot about forgiveness. I am studying detachment and self differentiation. I think I became too attached to our X+X title. It was like Bennifer or Bradjolina. We have to own who we are on our own first.

I know it is so very hard. Maybe buying a great headphone set and watching videos or listening to music so you aren't hearing it all day long? Or maybe singing to yourself? I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Please take care and find a way to detach. It's the only way through this. For any of us.