I don't want a divorce II NEW THREAD Pt 7

[AnotherStander]

He was informed last night that locks and codes were changed.

That was met with a bevy of texts that he was coming by in the AM. I repeated again that he is not to be here. He needs to respect my need for space that he could give me a list of essentials and a time for where/when for him to collect.

He kept insisting he was going to be here at 9amish. He already needed to be in town.

I said again he is not respecting me and he needs to not be here. He has been gong 6 days already so he has enough to manage right now.

I got that he needed x, y, z. And, I was preventing him from access to his medical stuff. I reminded him he hasn't needed it for 6 weeks. He insisted he needed his toothbrush... Again, I reminded him that he hasn't missed it in the last 6 weeks and he started to complain about how the toothbrush he has is all matted, blah blah blah.

GOOD! It sounds like you finally got fed up with the BS. He's quickly going to figure out that the bullying is no longer working, so he will switch to being your best buddy so be prepared for that. It's not genuine, it's all tactics to get what he wants. When that doesn't work he will switch back to being a bully, he will keep going back and forth with that for a while. You've got to stand your ground! You can do this!

As for the toothbrush, YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING!!!!! He "must" enter the house so he can retrieve a toothbrush? I'd be inclined to take some of the puppy's feces, put it on the porch and stick the toothbrush in it and tell him you left it on the porch, he can pick it up whenever

H states he hasn't slept well for 2 weeks as the oral appliance we sprang out of pocket for at 3K ins't working as well as the Cpap, but keep in mind he has never packed his Cpap in the last 6 weeks.

I'm NOT supposed to validate right now??? I get confused.

No not right now. Don't validate when he's whining, crying or complaining about you. When do you validate? When he is genuinely expressing his feelings. If he says he's down or depressed or such and he seems to really mean it as opposed to blaming you for it, then validate.

I am kicking his behind out the door.

I am telling him I am worth more. I am done.

This is good, now stand firm! He's going to try and try to break you down and push you over. Don't let him.

I'm trying to breath and give myself time to respond. Its not always perfect in the heat of the moment.

Good. You might want to turn off his text notifications so you're not tempted to read and reply every time he sends something.

I said to him that you said you kept trying and kept trying, but YOU SHOULD HAVE NEVER GIVEN UP ON ME. I am your wife.

Don't say things like that, that's a "I'm still your Plan B" statement. It's desperate. Stick to BUSINESS ONLY. Nothing else. If he asks how your day is, ignore it. Where's my money clip, ignore. WHY WON'T YOU RESPOND, ignore it. Bills? Reply in a businesslike tone. He has narcissistic tendencies and narcissists love to suck the energy out of people. They honestly don't care if it's positive or negative energy as long as they get something. Quit feeding your energy to him. Some doctors advise that you have to turn yourself into the most dull, boring person in the world to stop them. No positive energy, no negative energy.

I said this was supposed to be amicable but you have treated me like doormat. H apologized (please keep in mind how very little this man ever apologizes - he would do more with actions than words in our marriage.) H said he didn't mean to and this is just wasn't supposed to be like this.

Again, bullying stopped working so he's switching to being your buddy. It is absolutely 100% an act to bring you into compliance, nothing more. Do not believe it for one second.

I'm bracing that this will get ugly.

You might be surprised. I think you've been through the ugliest part. Once he realizes he can't browbeat you into submission he will more than likely stop it. I mean he might try a few more times but as long as you hold the line he will eventually give it up.