You can and you will find the peace and forgiveness that you are looking for. You just have to surrender it to the Lord and when Satan tries to tell you that you haven't, you call him a liar and tell him that you have.
Also, not only should you pray that their eyes are opened, but that they receive the strength and the courage to walk away from each other and go back to where the Lord wants them to be. We all know that adultery brings death and I don't mean just physical.
If you read the book of Hosea, it talks about him being married to a woman, Gomer, who is an adultress. The Lord compared this to us and to what we do to the Lord. Do you realize that when you do not follow the Lord, but follow the world and worship money and things of that nature, that you are like the adulteress? There is only one God and when we are worshipping other people or things, we are doing the same thing.
Did not know that until yesterday when he took me there to read the story. He compared Israel to Gomer his wife. This is what I learned.
Spiritual unfaithfulness is Spiritual adultery. Spiritual adultery and physical adultery are alike in many ways, and both are dangerous. God was disappointed with his people because they had committed spiritual adultery against him, as Gomer had committed physical adultery against Hosea.
Parallels: Both spiritual and physical adultery are against God's law. The Danger: When we break God's law in full awareness of what we're doing, our hearts become hardened to the sin and our relationship with God is broken.
Parallel: Both spiritual and physical adultery begin with disappointment and dissatisfaction--either real or imagined--with an already existing relationship. The Danger: The feeling that God disappoints can lead you away from him. Feelings of disappointment and dissatisfaction are normal and, when endured, will pass.
Parallel: Both spiritual and physical adultery begin with diverting affection from one object of devotion to another. The Danger: The diverting of our affection is the first step in the blinding process that leads into sin.
Parallel: Both spiritual and physical adultery involve a process of deterioration; it is not usually an impulsive decision. The Danger: The process is dangerous because you don't always realize it is happening until it is too late.
Parallel: Both spiritual and physical adultery involve the creation of a fantsy about what a new object of love can do for you. The Danger: Such fantasy creates unrealistic expectations of what a new relationship can do and only leads to disappointment in all existing and future relationships.
The scripture to pray is Hosea 2:6-7. Put your spouses name in there.
I totally agree with Laurie and Nitaf. I was reading "Hope for the Separated" by Gary Chapman this am. In this book he talks a lot about how we should pray and what to ask for. He indicates that we can pray that God put pressure on our spouse but he/she has free will and will use it. Quoting Laurie:
Quote: Take the scripture from the Bible and use it as your prayer. Like the one about putting thorn bushes in your husbands path so that the only path he can walk on is the one that is back to you. Yes, you can not change their free will and God doesn't change ours, but he does put obstacles in our way that cause us to do the purposes that he has for us.
I love this and this is what the book is telling us.
I also agree with Nitaf about the guilt and shame. I have been praying for this for my H: for God to reveal his error, to convict his heart about it and lead him to repentance. I believe that if our H's feel guilt, than there is hope for them. They can still be saved.
I can't say this enough Cathy, but you are some woman! You are so strong and have so much faith. Hang in there.
Geez Louise!! I spoke with H a little while ago and then had a meeting so am posting now.
I left him a voicemail asking if he was going to be able to make the bank appt. at 4:30 and to let me know. I get a call at work, but couldn't answer as my boss was lurking. A little later he's calling from our house. I answer my phone here, say Hello and nothing, say Hello again...a very deep throated "hello" from the other end. I said how are you, you sound tired (and depressed I'm thinking). H says yeah, so and so had an accident with his crane yesterday so we all went out drinking. I said you sound rough. Talked about the accident and how it happened. His coworker is a drinker, big time. There are two guys he works with/drinks with that were out last night and whoever else felt the need to drink their problems away...geez louise...grow up. We then talked about our bank appt., he's going to pick up S from daycare and meet me at the bank at 4:30.
So at this point I have no idea where he stayed last night, it could have been at a coworkers or OW's, and will not bring it up.
He did get into his fishing tournament this weekend and I said well it's good you have the afternoon off (he was rained out at work) then you can get ready as he's leaving right from work tomorrow. So he'll be gone through Saturday night.
If only I had a normal H that called me to say he was going to be late from work or an even more normal H who didn't drink. H did call me yesterday about 2:30 which would have been right after the accident, but I wasn't able to take the call nor did he leave me a message.
That I ASSume he's with OW and for that matter he could have been. I'm assuming he was so drunk maybe he doesn't even remember or he could have stayed anywhere including his truck!! Arghhhh!.
To put my trust, my expectations in the Lord moving forward is what I need to focus on and NOT to focus on the circumstances any longer as they may not be what they seem. ASSuming is making me nuts and is a waste of time, that darn Satan!!
Quote: The Lord has been preparing you for this for months now with what he has been teaching you. You have to put your trust completely in the Lord and DO NOT look at the circumstances and DO NOT give into what Satan is trying to make you give into.
Laurie you posted this to me on May 2 and I read it yesterday and again this morning. After talking with H today and looking at the circumstances of last night it is clear as a bell now that Satan is working very hard to destroy us.
The Lord has been preparing you for this for months now with what he has been teaching you. You have to put your trust completely in the Lord and DO NOT look at the circumstances and DO NOT give into what Satan is trying to make you give into.
Laurie you posted this to me on May 2 and I read it yesterday and again this morning. After talking with H today and looking at the circumstances of last night it is clear as a bell now that Satan is working very hard to destroy us.
Yes Cathy he is! But, you can make it! Drop the rope and put yourself in the Lord's hands!
Something clicked again today, detaching a stage more. It is easier for me because I don't have to be in H's turmoil, unfortunately you are! Here is a {{{hug)))
Cathy, You have grown so much, it is truly amazing and wonderful to see it.
I, too, feel SO tested. I feel like a kid in school, that I have so much to learn, and everyday it seems like something else.
I think the Lord is using my S16 to illustrate a lot of things to me... that even subconsciously I still try to be in control.
It is so hard to lean completely on the Lord, but I know that is what he is telling me to do. You are so right, anxiety is easier since it is the norm. But what a waste of energy.
Stop thinking that your H is not "normal." Stop wanting him to be something else. This is just more of the same wanting to change him - waste of time stuff. He is doing the best he can do... I don't think there is such a thing as a "normal" H... certainly not on the bb!!
You are doing so well with your walk with God. You seem to really be listening to him.
I pray every day that our Hs will have the courage and strenth to listen and to follow the Lord.
Have a great weekend, Cathy.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I'm still grrrrring about the night before last and cheeseless tunnel of worry/anxiety. There were minutes when I did let go of it, gave it to God and it was peaceful. I want that peace and am working on it every day. When I do have the anxiety it means I'm not trusting the Lord to handle things..and when I read this it seems kind of silly that I think I can control the world.
Quote: I, too, feel SO tested. I feel like a kid in school, that I have so much to learn, and everyday it seems like something else.
Yep, there is much I have to learn and I'm eager to learn! You are sooo right about H and the "norm" that wasn't the correct term because H has never been the norm.
Quote: You are doing so well with your walk with God. You seem to really be listening to him.
It's the best walk I've been on in a long time. I was on my treadmill this morning and there is not a whole lot on that early, but I found Joyce Meyer! I know she's on, but I have never listened to her and she is great! Lately it's been hard getting up to do my treadmill, but she will be my new motivator!!
Met H and S at the bank last night. H was quiet/subdued when I arrived, we did eye contact when I walked in, I was happy, H looked blank maybe is the word. Finished our paperwork, decided in the parking lot we would have pizza for dinner and meet at the restaurant.
H was still pretty quiet when we got to our table at the restaurant. I thanked him again for putting gas in my car earlier this week, that it was like getting a gift these days. I did thank him when he did it, but of course he didn’t hear it or remember me thanking him..so he brought that up. Then said “you didn’t thank me downstairs” After that the ice was broken and it was relaxed and freindly after that.
I was so tired didn’t do much, tried to watch Frasier and ended up snoozing in the chair until H came and started nuzzling on me. H was getting ready for his fishing trip and S was following behind wherever his D went.
H and S took a shower and then H layed with S until S fell asleep. I thought H would stop by and see me, I was so tired though and by then didn’t care either way. H got up and went downstairs, I must have fallen asleep because next thing I know he’s in our room. We I asked H if he was staying and he said he had his alarm set and got up. I didn’t say a word either way and went to sleep..I was beat.
Have no idea where he stayed either, I didn't ask he did tell me. I'm focussing on the friendship, for now, detaching is easier when H isn't sleeping with me every night. And is helping me get to the final stage of detachment...where all my worries, anxieties are in God's hands.
Quote: I want that peace and am working on it every day. When I do have the anxiety it means I'm not trusting the Lord to handle things..and when I read this it seems kind of silly that I think I can control the world.
I want this too, and am working on it too...
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I asked H if he was staying and he said he had his alarm set and got up. I didn’t say a word either way and went to sleep..I was beat.