Time to file? (Thanks BenB - part 2)

[sandi2]

Any pointers on my last post?
Would love for Sandi to come by here, seen she is very active atm at some other posts. Is it possible to request?

Last post????

I was trying to quickly read through your threads. Don't know that I have any advice that you haven't already been given. It's a sad situation, like all who come to the board. IMHO, you are doing what is "necessary", if you intend to hold on to your manhood. WW's are infamous for stripping her nice-guy H of his manhood, to the point the poor guy doesn't know who is the real male in their relationship. So, I commend you for getting your ball(s) and walking away from the game. That's how she treats the MR, like it's a game.

I get the sense that you are a very sensitive guy, and there is nothing wrong with it. I also think you were way too helpful in her everyday life. You probably saw it as acts of love, but she begin to take it for granted. Anyway, I just want to warn you that when you are dealing with a WW, you have to brace for the most insensitive words & actions to come from her direction. She'll even act insulted or shocked that you aren't happy to see her or you're not still doing things for her. Wayward W's are self unaware, arrogant, illogical, usually spoiled by someone.....(parents or husband), and their sense of entitlement is enough to make you gag. She'll throw out a few bread crumbs from time to time, like......."I'm not sure how I feel", just to hike the H's hope. But, she's not serious.

She will do things as her way to keep him emotionally attached, although she doesn't want to be his "wife".....she still wants him available, just in case she needs him to babysit, run an errand for her, let her sleep in the marital bedroom, of have "family time" if she's bored. It's apparent that I can't say enough bad things about a WW. I don't have an ax to grind, I'm simply trying to pay forward the information I have gathered, witnessed, and experienced. If anyone is helped from it, then it is well worth it to me.

So W keeps asking me 'What will you do tonight?' when she is home with the kids.

This is an example of her checking your emotional temperature to see how attached you are to her......in spite of her deceit, manipulation, and betrayal. The higher the temperature reads, the further away she gets.......b/c she knows she can still get you when she's ready for you. You can't make it easy for her to get you back. She has to work very hard to restore what she destroyed.

Someone said, "You have to take away her Plan B", which I thought was a good answer. Family activity, hanging out together, having long phone chats, eating together, attending events together, etc., is all Plan B for her. It doesn't draw her closer, like a lot of LBH's want to believe. The WW doesn't want her LBH, she wants another guy. She won't even begin to get the smallest bit interested in her LBH, until she sees him walking away. She has to suffer loss, due to her decisions, before there's much chance of her turning around and finding herself again. She doesn't want her place/position in his life to be replaced, but as long as she feels she controls him, then she's not worried. I know that sounds crazy, but I'm telling you I have watched it happen over & over again for many years.

If I read correctly, she was already wayward before the wedding took place. I hate this has happened to you. I think walking away from her is the right move. Even if she came today and begged you not to file, she would not stick. She is addicted to the affair, and if she went NC, she would still have a long process ahead of her. Not trying to discourage you, just being real honest with you. If you can move on and make a new life for yourself, then do what is best for you.

I hope you won't stop posting right now, unless it's just too depressing to continue. We are here to offer moral support, if you need us.

I won't keep talking on & on, but I will watch to see if you reply and/or keep posting. If not, I want to wish you the very best going forward. (((hugs)))