I think I am handling it the best way I can, though in the past I have lost my temper, mainly when her sulks were causing me to be late for work or D10 late for school. I know its selfish to say, but in many ways her spending time with H has made for a smoother household. It has also helped that she wants to avoid conflict, so she stays in her room, and is more careful about not leaving a 'footprint' (like picking up towels, tidying after herself when she uses the kitchen). Her room is a state, but that's her safe place so I have avoided saying anything.
When I say he takes her side, he doesn't do it consciously. He is biased towards thinking the worst of me, and add to that D13's own perception bias, together, they feed of each other. I think he is trying to control it though. The other day (before the lock down) he had taken her to football and when they returned he tried to get her to tell me about the game - he said it was very close and exciting and then turned to her and said "tell mummy all about it". She just looked down and walked out of the room. He looked at me and shrugged. He also has suggested I change the wall paper on my phone (D10 is on the lock screen and D13 is the wall paper once it opens) because he says she pointed it out as evidence that I didn't care about her. I guess it is an easy change to make. He is trying. He really does love his children. He has had them a lot - I've been on my own for two days now (he brings them by in the evening) - and I guess that is because he wants to be with them. Just oblivious to the fact that it supports D13 avoiding me and that I really really do miss my kids and that being alone in this large house in many ways s*cks.
I really don't know what to think anymore. For a man who wanted his own space he is now wanting it invaded a lot by his children. The split at the moment isn't even 50/50 - it is closer to 70/30 in his favor. Its like he is done with the single life, and now wants our old life back, just this time without me in it.
I realise that sounds kind of morbid. It really isn't meant to. I am on the phone all day with people (work, friends) and there is a lot of laughter and banter and none family stuff being shared. I am cooking proper home cooked meals and (freezing the majority) and I even baked a banana bread today which made the house smell amazing), meditating regularly and I have watched a ridiculous amount of telly in the evening. My house is so tidy it is ridiculous. I am forever wiping down benches or shifting laundry. It is nice to have time at home.
