Alison, in times of high stress I think those who choose "divide and conquer" often do well. I like that you and H have (perhaps non-verbally) taken on specific roles to handle and then are respecting one another to handle those roles. I can't imagine the stress your H is under, and I think it's great that he is for now trying to reign that energy in for good, and not lashing out.
You both have a lot on your plate, but perhaps that takes the microscope off of your sitch?
Stay well.
I think this 'divide and conquer' approach works well for us, Yail. Or at least, it has been doing. We all need a lot more space and that's showing today. It also bothers me that our divide is so gendered - me being the woman at home in charge of house and hearth and kids, and him out in the world being heroic. But that's just my bad temper and I've kept it to myself. It does make me reflect, though, on how much of the deep-seated resentment in our relationship came from the fact that H felt powerless and like he didn't have a role in our marriage - I have always been the higher earner and up until recently the needs of my career came first. And generally I have had better relationships with the children too. He's probably felt pushed out and having a clear role (at the moment, that's working and going and getting supplies for us and doing all the 'outside' stuff - as the rest of us have to stay inside) seems to have made things easier. I feel a little sad that we're not able to co-operate as parents today - I can't get on board with his need to dominate and win every minor skirmish with Eldest and I believe that's more to do with his need for a show of respect / submission than I think it is to do with what is best for the kids - but we've had a bad day today and I will probably feel different tomorrow.
