Do you have any last thoughts for my sitch? I'd love Sandi or Sandi like 2x4s.
I'll bite.
Originally Posted by Core
W stopped sleeping alone and now sleeps in D4s tiny bed with D4. My IC tells me this is harmful for D4 and my W knows its not healthy. Rather than address our issues, she's avoiding them and impacting D4. My relationship with D4 suffers. She used to want me for everything but now avoids me, ignores me at times. Her actions arent the same with my W. Im ok losing my W but I cant bear to lose my daughter. I think I need to file for D to prevent further deterioration of our daddy daughter relationship. I'm starting to miss my D4 and she's right here.
Maybe tell her: "W, I would like you to stop sleeping with D4."
Nothing else. No reasoning, no arguing, no claims how it is impacting D4. You can't control her.
Originally Posted by Core
W is not doing anything to fix herself or the sitch. Just coasting by, pretending. She's avoided fixing issues with her own family for as long as I've known her so I don't foresee her coming to terms with her contribution to the destruction of her relationships any time soon.
Focusing on her, her, her. I also don't foresee her changing soon, why would she?
Originally Posted by Core
What do I do for D4, S1 and I? Is there any point in trying to salvage the M?
Only you can make this decision. I like making pro/con lists. Try to think beyond "staying M'ed is best for the kids".
Originally Posted by Core
On detaching...its difficult as we are quarantined together. Everytime I feel detached, its like she senses it and acts differently, being kind and talkative. When i start to feel connected, she begins distancing. Is this the rest of my life if we fix the M? I can never be connected and loving? Whats the point?
Sounds like maybe you detach for awhile, then she throws you crumbs and you gobble them up. Next time, maintain your detachment.
Honestly Core you sound clingy sometimes. I was like this too. If my W gave me a hug I was wagging my tail like a puppy. You deserve better, but you also have a lot you can do to work on yourself right now. You don't need the validation of your W's affection to be happy. I think your W has very very little respect for you -- less than even you think she does. You aren't going to dig out of this by detaching a little bit. You will just prolong your suffering.
Originally Posted by Core
I think I was too easy on her when she asked to reconcile. Now what do I do? I see D as my only course of action. Either it wakes her up or we D. Either way I am ok with the outcome for me and I'm starting to like both options for the kids. I realize I'm asking what to do to fix her and thats not ideal but what else can I do? I've worked on me already and will continue to do so. I'm losing interest on that end...I loved who I was. I'm working on my weaknesses but Im not going to go overboard.
Do NOT file for D as a wake-up call.
Do NOT file for D to try to change her.
You file for D when you accept the consequences and think it is the best decision for you and your kids.
