And somehow she is supposed to pay me $20k as part of splitting our assets. Maybe this is why she doesn't seem to want or expect me to leave the house after the divorce. She wants time to pay that off, and would probably ask me to start paying the utilities again as a condition of staying.
People set up payment plans, do cash out refis on homes, loans from 401(k)'s, borrow from relatives. Why are you so hung up on this? [quote] Well, she doesn't have the retirement money to do that with, and her relatives don't have money to borrow from. She could take out a loan, but that would just push her into more debt. None of it is sound financial sense.
[quote] Fear not. If you get a divorce, do you plan on being all close and cuddly while she is with another man?
Well, the whole idea is to NOT get a divorce. Not just be like, "I don't give a crap." I do. There's no point in a marriage or any of this if it all just becomes something that never matters or is a care for us. I'm not going to lie to myself and pretend it doesn't matter, or that it shouldn't.
Yes, I will be okay if there is a D. Life moves on. My daughter will be okay too. But, she will also be negatively affected. That's just a fact. The goal is not just to be okay. The goal is not to just settle for whatever comes my way. The goal is to aim for the best possible outcomes, and do whatever I can, to try (no guarantees) and reach them. Not just for me, but for my daughter as well.
What I would do if she were with another man is kind of irrelevant. At least, I think so. That situation is not my goal.
I think maybe there is a misconception about my state of mind. I'm not someone who is feeling all crushed and doesn't know how I'm going to manage life without my W. I'm not depressed, I'm not moping around, I'm not crying my eyes out at night. I'm fully cognizant that I can do quite well on my own and in the future and that my happiness is not dependent on her. My anger, what I have had of it, in all of this has not been about losing the relationship with my wife, it has been a reaction to her negativity and criticisms, but mostly about her disregard for the impacts on her children.
The biggest resistances I have to a divorce go as follows: My faith, my daughter's well-being, my step-daughter's well-being, the huge financial hit, maybe my wife's well-being (because I do still think she has some problems that I don't want to see her, or anyone, succumb to), and then finally, way down the line, how I'll be able to cope with it.
I believe in the institution of marriage and the commitments involved. I think our society is far too accepting of throwing that away, sometimes at the drop of a hat. I resist that.
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She is telling you what she wants via the divorce. Accept it. Be strong and be good. Her climbing into bed is strange considering she wants the divorce. I think it is a slightly good sign if you are hoping to bust the divorce but you must be strong and thoughtful as opposed to weak and impulsive. I'd probably hop out of bed if that happens and go take your daughter outside or go play in the basement - you get the idea.
Well, it usually happens in the middle of the night, sometimes shortly before it's time to get up. A couple of times I didn't even realize it until I did get up in the morning.
