My MR involved quite a bit of gaslighting, or if that is too strong a word, a controlling person whose opinions became our shared "truth" - how to parent, what's best for us, etc. It's not all her fault, I allowed it to happen too. I'm determined to change my half even though it tends to create more friction.
Your friend had great advice -- stand up for yourself, calmly and assertively. Sometimes I think to myself -- the calmer I am, the stronger the message.
Hopefully at some point your H will see you have changed how you handle these situations and modify his behavior accordingly. This may happen, it may not. Doesn't matter.
The last couple months I took a co-parenting class which was fantastic. I highly recommend seeking out some resources (books, podcasts, videos, classes). Why was it fantastic? Because it was honest -- there is nothing you can do to force your co-parenting arrangement to be smooth or amicable. But there are many things you can do to support your daughter as best as you can.
