I tell my W she may come over. She may hang here but leave every day/night. And I want to say, stop contacting the OM while here (or even better, through this social distancing process).
KTO, I am a former subscriber to a group who touted the saying "Pain is weakness leaving the body". Be disciplined, be mentally strong, be positive. Your W has shown that she wants back in? No, she has in fact shown the complete opposite and you are choosing to not see things as they really are. This is why detachment is recommended. Find a new show, new book, new cooking hobby, clean the house, clean your car, organize everything, write down your thoughts, play a game.
Your W is cake eating like crazy and you sir are the baker. You are looking for reasons to do what you know you shouldn't. You act like your W is the only adult you know therefore you must pursue. C'mon... Call an adult you know and talk if you need adult interaction so badly.
The reason you don't like the things that are happening is because of your own inner dialogue about what is going on.
"It is not things that trouble us, but our judgments about things"...
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
