~j~ Here we are. Day 5 for us. Our airport pretty much shut down in&out bound nonessential travel. 00s work was granted permission to travel as they as essential. Good news for our income.
Everything else is pretty much the same here. 00 & I are roommates. He cooks for us & did the dishes. I thank him for meals, not for dishes. I feel like he's trying to rid himself of guilt by taking care of us in this way. The little boy "look what I did" tone in his voice comes out. He continues to self isolate most of the day in the garage. D3 & I are mostly outide. The sunshine makes us feel less isolated. I wish 00 interacted with us or D3 more. But when I ask, he watches her. The mightnight/early morning sneak outs to the garage continue. Roommate needs privacy. I get it. I need to STOP caring. IT had nothing to do with me, so why care? I need to tell myself STOP.
One of my GAL activities is to cook more. I hate cooking. If a cooking for dumbies book exsists, it'd be dedicated to me. 00 bought a LOT of food I would not normally eat, so I'm excepting this challege full on. Whatch out kitchen! And thank goodness for Google!
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Question: How did you announce your D? When the time is right, I feel saying we've separated is a good start. Thoughts?
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Why do you need to announce anything at all about your situation? If someone should ask, you can simply state that we are in the process of separating and leave it at that. The world doesn't need to know your business. The less you tell the world, the fewer questions and comments that you will have about your situation.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
honestly, i told very few people. if people asked where my h was, I said on a business trip. I wanted to give him every opportunity to be able to back track and frankly didn't want the pity of others nor their input into my marriage.
i don't regret it. there are, even now, people who probably know, but not from me.
I agree with Job. Your life. Your marriage. Your business.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
My H was out of the house for months before I told not-so-close friends (like the people in my close-knit neighborhood). I think there are neighbors that still don't know H doesn't live here, even 1 1/2 later. It was only when the questions became more persistent as to "how is H doing"? "What's H up to", that wort of thing. I received a lot of support from close friends that I divulged quite a bit to, but I regret telling others. Choose wisely who you tell. I would let it come up naturally. No reason to "announce" it.
My situation was a little different. XW announced her departure rather loudly and flaunted her behaviour around town.
I told my family, my friends, and coworkers. These people are who I care about the most in life. The people who I trust. If can’t share something like that with them, then who can I share it with? If this isn’t appropriate or well received with that person, than perhaps that person and I are not in as strong a relationship as I thought.
I did lose a few “friends” over this situation, which was for the best. Those few took the side of a adulterous mother who threw away her children. That had a ripple effect throughout the circle of our friends. This is a polarizing situation, and people showed their true colours. By far, the majority supported me and the kids. Like a couple of hundred families to the six that left.
It is surprising how much support we have. Seriously, there is a lot of support. However, they can’t support what they don’t know about.
People were angry with XW and I didn’t demonize her. I didn’t hide anything, nor did I tell all. I just stuck to the facts, and my our journey.
From my point of view, then and now:
Family needs to know. Blood family is usually the most important people in your life - kids, parents, etc. In my case XW’s grand announcement at Thanksgiving took care of that.
Friends, close friends, are like family to me. They dropped what they were doing and came out that very day I phone them! I am blessed with a great many good people in my life.
Coworkers also had a need and a right to know. In my profession, I count on my coworker and they count on me. Our work is hazardous and we need to be focused and mentally present; errors can have fatal consequences. That kind of environment creates strong bonds and carrying attitudes. I was amazing at how many people know and care about me. Just wow. Even now I shake my head in amazement.
Being vulnerable and seeking understanding and empathy was the right thing for me. I was full of self doubt, full of the poison that XW had spewed, and so unconfident in my abilities. People stood by me, affirmed my value, and reminded me of why they were helping - in short I was worth it. Now that was something life changing, and a debt I don’t know if I can ever repay.
That’s my take and outcome of letting the cat out of the bag. I absolutely, 100%, do not regret telling anyone.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Thank you everyone. I guess "announce" was the wrong term, but I did get the answers I was looking for.
My Life. My Business. Guess I'll decide how to handle things as they come. Definitley not posting an add in the local newspaper or using social media. I've already told most of my family & some close friends here. The place I called home when I met 00, none of those friends know. When the time is right I will let the right friends know, what I feel they should know. And then there's the friends I grew up with. No one really knows 00 there. He's a real man of mystery the more I think about it.
Thanks again friends.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
~j~ The day was a blur. Had to get a few things, so I got to leave the house this time. Drug store & pool supplies. I could feel the anxiety in my chest at the drug store. Like someone was pressing on it. Missions completed. 00 sent me a link re how to deal with stress at these times. Thanks? I guess he means well, but words like, "Hey...you okay?" We arent strangers? I just kept ignoring him. He eventually came out of nowhere and hung out with D3. I got up & GAL. He was fine & I took my sweet time. And then we had a Tsnaumi Alert . Great! Divorce, Pandemic, Tsunami! Why not right?
The Tsunami threat was called off eventually, but we were packef to go. 00 was stressed/scared. He insisted we evacuate/go to higher ground. I was not about to argue. We left and came back just after 11pm. Home safe. 00 carried D3 in; she had fallen asleep. Wow. A family outing.
~Never Give Up ~ 2019 Mar BD June BD Dec Aow/xgf 2020 Jan he wants D Feb he flys2 ow Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn Apr he leaves for work until Nov Oct D FINAL 2020 Living MY Happiest Life Ever
The Tsunami threat was called off eventually, but we were packef to go. 00 was stressed/scared. He insisted we evacuate/go to higher ground. I was not about to argue. We left and came back just after 11pm. Home safe. 00 carried D3 in; she had fallen asleep. Wow. A family outing.
wow! After all this you will be ready for ANYTHING!!! I'm glad that you guys are safe.
