And, I will think/pray of how to respond next time to H's "button pushing, cheeseless tunnel." I wish he could trust my love a little more, but I guess he needs the reassurance right now.
My actions speak love, care, friendship, at least I hope they do. Last night I was so at peace with everything, felt so good that I'm sure it was noticeable.
Shoot, new I should have added "Continue" to Replay...and on we go...
The card that I put in H's lunchbox yesterday, I put my name on the inside, so I'm ASSuming he knew it was from me....but then he never came home last night so maybe it scared him to OW's. At least I'm ASSuming he's there, at least those are the thoughts I've had off and on all night.
The anxiety was there, it wasn't too bad. I did sleep, but the thought of H drunk at OW's kept coming to mind, tried to keep my ming off those "circumstances" and on the Lord. It is hard to my trust in the Lord, there's an internal struggle of where to put my fears. I'm programmed to turn to the circumstance and let my mind run wild, where if I do focus on the Lord it's calmer, peaceful. But it's not automatic so I go back and forth. The nights are the hardest, but any thoughts of giving up were immediately pushed away. Funny how a few weeks ago I didn't think I could go through another night of H's disappearing act, but I'm okay.
I'm not really too upset that H didn't come home, that he didn't call. He called me yesterday afternoon at work, but I was busy so didn't pick up the phone. On my way home from work I tried to call him but his phone was turned off.
Now the waiting, we're supposed to sign some bank papers today at 4:30 so will just plan that he'll be there.
Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you! You are adjusting well to all this. Yes the card probably scared him. Those kind of things always sent my H running also.
Remember, if you're going to ASSume, why not ASSume the best? Even if you're wrong, it helps you to Act As If more easily So why don't we ASSume he was so moved by your card that he went to OW's to break up with her again? Or we can ASSume he never ate his lunch yesterday and never saw the note?
At this point I shouldn't ASSume anything. It's been about a month since his last "no show" whereas it was about every two weeks up till now.
I do do a lot of ASSuming when my H is out and about when in reality I have no idea where he goes, what he does, who he sees. If he's telling me the truth when he says he was at "his bar" as he could be anywhere.
Last week he was off from work all week, but was home every night. Now H is back at work and isn't busy, so has lots of time to sit and think...something about that darn crane.
This is something that I have been thinking about and something that I feel led to share with you. Just think about it and see what the Lord tells you.
Okay, for the last few months, there have been two scenarios that keep coming up. Him threatening to move out and him staying away all night and not letting you know anything.
Think about it this way instead of in the circumstance way. What if the Lord is testing you to see how you are going to keep reacting to these to cycles that you keep going through? Yes, there is a lesson for your husband to learn, but what is yours?
Okay, the one where he keeps telling you about him moving. Basically you know that the next time you need to basically tell him that you do not want him to move or to get a divorce. That you love him and you always have. That you have forgiven him for the things that he has done but he must stop putting this over your head. That if that is what he wants, then he has to make the choice. That he is free to do what he wants to do. That you know that you can live without him, but you choose not too. Then set him free in word and action.
The last one where he doesn't come home, don't ask him any questions about it, but maybe what the Lord wants you to do is start to pray for both of them when this happens. Do you remember when the Lord walked by that bush and went to get a piece of fruit? Remember how he rebuked the bush and it withered? The reason for that is because it was not producing fruit, yet he did not fret over it. He basically told it to die because it was not doing what it was supposed to do. Well, what about this relationship with him and this OW. What fruit is it producing? Is it producing the fruit of the Lord? No, it is not. So why should it continue? Use the word to pray for your husband and the OW. Use the promises of the Lord.
Take the scripture from the Bible and use it as your prayer. Like the one about putting thorn bushes in your husbands path so that the only path he can walk on is the one that is back to you. Yes, you can not change their free will and God doesn't change ours, but he does put obstacles in our way that cause us to do the purposes that he has for us. Do you understand what I'm saying?
He won't change your free will, but he sure can make you feel uncomfortable about something that you are doing that you shouldn't be. He is your father and your husband's father. Would not your mom or dad do things to try and make you not do something that they new was going to hurt you? Did they make the decision for you, or did they give you information so that you would think about what you were doing? Yes, sometimes we did what we wanted to do anyway (free will) and then sometimes we changed our course because of what they said made us feel uncomfortable about what we were doing. Another free will choice of our own with some guidance from people that love us dearly.
I hope that all of this is making sense, because I know what I'm trying to say, but I just don't know if it is coming out the same way that I am seeing and hearing it.
Laurie, I was thinking about you before I came here and you visited me!
Quote: Yes, there is a lesson for your husband to learn, but what is yours?
I know what my lesson is: I need to turn to the Lord for my needs and to put my expectations in the Lord. This night thing, the not knowing, the worrying that I think will make things happen is NOT working nor should I be trying to control my world this way. The anxiety is fear and if I can turn to the Lord rather to the anxiety, I will be okay. It is something I need to learn and the way for me to learn right now is for my H to stay out all night..becuase nights are the problem. The Lord IS testing ME, saying to me you cannot control the circumstances only I have that power, the worrying, anxiety is getting you know where--put your trust in Me. And last night that is what I did and it did seem to work. Right now it's not comfortable, to become anxious is a more natural tendency, but I believe I can make the change as the peace I felt at some points last night was wonderful, when I was able to let go. This is my less to learn.
Quote: The last one where he doesn't come home, don't ask him any questions about it, but maybe what the Lord wants you to do is start to pray for both of them when this happens.
I do pray so this is good then. I did this last night and this morning. But isn't it the little to late scenario. I should be praying for H and OW a lot more than I do lately. I've been praying more for myself and for the lessons I need to learn, but intermittently for H, OW and S's and reading the bible.
Quote: Okay, the one where he keeps telling you about him moving. Basically you know that the next time you need to basically tell him that you do not want him to move or to get a divorce. That you love him and you always have. That you have forgiven him for the things that he has done but he must stop putting this over your head. That if that is what he wants, then he has to make the choice. That he is free to do what he wants to do. That you know that you can live without him, but you choose not too. Then set him free in word and action
I have been praying on this answer also and what is coming to me is similar to what you have posted and will say this next time or maybe sooner. I don't think my H feels like he needs to BE forgiven for anything at this point. I think I said this to him not too long ago and he looked at me like I was crazy.
Quote: Well, what about this relationship with him and this OW. What fruit is it producing? Is it producing the fruit of the Lord? No, it is not. So why should it continue? Use the word to pray for your husband and the OW. Use the promises of the Lord.
Take the scripture from the Bible and use it as your prayer. Like the one about putting thorn bushes in your husbands path so that the only path he can walk on is the one that is back to you. Yes, you can not change their free will and God doesn't change ours, but he does put obstacles in our way that cause us to do the purposes that he has for us. Do you understand what I'm saying?
That I should pray for the Lord to help my H find his way, to see that OW is not the answer to his problems--that she is nothing really. And to throw a few thorn bushes in here and there to trip him up once in awhile.
I read in a book by Gary Smalley that we should pray that a sense of guilt and shame be inflicted on the spouse and the adultress. That we should pray that our spouse puts a wall up against anyone that speaks of separation or divorce. I also pray that i find forgiveness and peace of mind in my sitch.....
So why don't we ASSume he was so moved by your card that he went to OW's to break up with her again? Or we can ASSume he never ate his lunch yesterday and never saw the note?