MLC newbie

[Believe6]

DnJ, I read Own's first and just scrolled up to read yours. Canada... yay! It's beautiful up there.

Thank you for your inspiration and your encouragement to go within. I am better tonight. Had a nice dinner and finished monopoly with family. I was able to have a good conversation with H. We are trying to be friendlier, especially with kids in the house and sheltering in place.

My deep core and values? I've always had one mission- be love, give hope, have faith. How I live that out in my life is another thing. I have always tried to figure out how that plays within the roles I have, the work I do, the relationships I forge... including that with myself.

But also how does that look from a character perspective. For example, what does it really mean to be love. How does one give, receive, foster, and expand this love? How does that work in terms of the job you take, the things you do at work, the way you handle situations, etc. It is easy to say you love someone, but what about tough love. What about having to say no or even saying yes?

I can go deep with this stuff and often have. Maybe I should have been a philosopher. I also consider myself a spiritual seeker. I look for ways that can deepen and grow so that I won't be coming back here for another lifetime. I know this is the biggest forgiveness lesson I have to learn. He's just to last piece. I've had to learn to forgive so many in my life and have had to ask them to forgive me too.

We don't live up to others' ideals or expectations all the time. Often because they don't share what they expect or if they do, it's not in our wheel house to live up to it... So yeah, I have a lot to think about and am working on who this "me" is that is emerging. She's a combination of the old me, but with more wisdom, more courage, more strength, and even a healthy does of fear... not the kind that debilitates, but the kind that keeps you from taking unnecessary risks.

Thanks for reminding me to keep looking within. To be fearless. To face myself and this life that I find myself in. I know it will be worth it. Regardless of the ultimate outcome of my relationship.

I still have hope for the outcome though... the one where I am better, he is better... and we get that forever we promised... only this forever is actually real.