I just read through your thread. Sorry of course that you are here and going through this. I lived at home with mine for about 5 years through his early MLC. He would still be here if I hadn't kicked him out at my D's request. Of that I am certain. I think living at home stunted mine (but didn't stop him from having a secret affair for 3 years). My guess is that yours has resumed the affair or begun a new one based on the behaviors you are describing. Pretty typical for these folks and would explain the distancing and disabling the tracker, etc.
You are on the MLC board, so I take it you believe he is having an MLC. So I would encourage you to follow the standard advice in this scenario. No relationship talks period unless he initiates them. Definitely no initiating any kind of affection. You are probably right that he thinks he will leave when you get a job. He has likely talked to an attorney and gotten an idea of his support obligations in both scenarios. But thinking and doing are two different things. Mine actually filed, ignored my attempts to work it out between us, then freaked out when he saw I put on my lawyer hat and was marching to the end. Eventually he begged me multiple times to dismiss. Dismissing was the only quick thing he's done in this process.
Try not to ride his wave and try not to have your mood altered by his behavior. I know that's hard. But getting up your hopes to have them dashed again and again is really bad for you. He's going to do what he's going to do. Take it a day at a time. Do you want to stick around today? Then do. Just do it in a way that doesn't damage you. Doesn't have to be the same answer every day and you are allowed to flip flop as much as you want to.
If it is MLC, you have a long, long road ahead. Yours is doing some talking. That's a good sign. Maybe it is an MLT and maybe he will move through a lot faster. There really is no way to know. Just focus on you and your kids. The better you do, the better they will do. Remember that kids need fun. Hard for kids to see their parents suddenly become people with flaws and needs. A big adjustment for everyone. You will get through it though. You will see lots of evidence of people who find themselves in this process. DnJ hasn't had a reconciliation (yet) but he has certainly become an amazing person and helped his kids lead happy and productive lives in the face of this. It's all we can ask for or control right now.
