My situation was a little different. XW announced her departure rather loudly and flaunted her behaviour around town.
I told my family, my friends, and coworkers. These people are who I care about the most in life. The people who I trust. If can’t share something like that with them, then who can I share it with? If this isn’t appropriate or well received with that person, than perhaps that person and I are not in as strong a relationship as I thought.
I did lose a few “friends” over this situation, which was for the best. Those few took the side of a adulterous mother who threw away her children. That had a ripple effect throughout the circle of our friends. This is a polarizing situation, and people showed their true colours. By far, the majority supported me and the kids. Like a couple of hundred families to the six that left.
It is surprising how much support we have. Seriously, there is a lot of support. However, they can’t support what they don’t know about.
People were angry with XW and I didn’t demonize her. I didn’t hide anything, nor did I tell all. I just stuck to the facts, and my our journey.
From my point of view, then and now:
Family needs to know. Blood family is usually the most important people in your life - kids, parents, etc. In my case XW’s grand announcement at Thanksgiving took care of that.
Friends, close friends, are like family to me. They dropped what they were doing and came out that very day I phone them! I am blessed with a great many good people in my life.
Coworkers also had a need and a right to know. In my profession, I count on my coworker and they count on me. Our work is hazardous and we need to be focused and mentally present; errors can have fatal consequences. That kind of environment creates strong bonds and carrying attitudes. I was amazing at how many people know and care about me. Just wow. Even now I shake my head in amazement.
Being vulnerable and seeking understanding and empathy was the right thing for me. I was full of self doubt, full of the poison that XW had spewed, and so unconfident in my abilities. People stood by me, affirmed my value, and reminded me of why they were helping - in short I was worth it. Now that was something life changing, and a debt I don’t know if I can ever repay.
That’s my take and outcome of letting the cat out of the bag. I absolutely, 100%, do not regret telling anyone.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
