I am so upset and in need of advice. I found out that H has violated a coparenting agreement that we have had in place since the very beginning of all of this. It came out from something D4 said in passing when he was dropping her off on Saturday evening. After he put her to bed I brought it up. He played dumb and stalled the conversation, then proceeded to acknowledge it was true and gaslight the f out of me in every way possible. He Was saying “see this is how you get” as if I was wrong for being upset. Trying to give me time limits on how long I had to speak before he’d walk out, and coming up with every excuse he could think of to try to make me feel I was wrong and to try to walk out, before he did just that and left.
After he left I calmed myself and texted him:
“For the record, you’re wrong. This isn’t “how I get” when I’m upset. This is how I get when I’m justified in being upset because you’ve hurt me, and you treat me badly because of it. This is how you get when you know you’re in the wrong.
This is the absolute ultimate form of disrespect at this point. And given the fact that we both agreed not to allow exactly this scenario to happen with our child, it’s that much more hurtful. I am completely justified in crying and being upset. I did nothing wrong to you. I didn’t do any of the “old things” that you’d like to think I did. I expressed fully justified emotions and expected decency in return.
The only person who is displaying old bad behaviors here is you. I started that conversation out apologizing to you and owning my actions. And you weren’t able to do the same “
He texted back “you are totally right and I am totally wrong”. I assume this was H knowing he was totally wrong but being incapable of admitting that in an authentic way.
I asked “is that serious or is that facetious”. I didn’t hear back until this afternoon, when he gave a half assed acknowledgement that he breached our agreement and my trust, but that he has no intention of stopping and adhering back to the agreement.
I can honestly say that this a new low that I didn’t see coming from him. I truly believed that no matter what, if I did very best, that at the VERY least I would be able to trust him as a coparent in the most basic sense. That is shattered now. I’m triggered beyond belief. It genuinely feels like the more I try to be cordial and generous (as opposed to cold and controlling) the more he does things to screw me over.
He intends to discuss this coparenting issue with me this evening. I feel so triggered that I’m totally spinning. I also feel like I want to lower the boom on this whole thing, give him the rest of his belongings that are still here and let him know I’ve tried but I deserve much much better than this. I know that doesn’t even make sense given the situation. I’d love some advice here
