My recommendation is for you to pray about this and ask the Lord to control your tongue the next time that he says something like this. Ask him what it is that he wants you to say. You maybe very surprised as to what is going to come out of your mouth the next time.
You won't have to say it in anger, but you will have to stand firm and let it out. When this happened to me, I swear that I felt someone was behind me and took their hands and pushed me right in front of my husband and made me confront him. Everyone kept telling me that I needed too, but I kept saying it wasn't the right time, and at that time it wasn't; but when it was, I was shoved and words came out of my mouth that I did not expect to come out of my mouth. They were not mean and they did not cut him down, but they were things that he needed to hear.
You could be getting to the point where you are being told that it is time to set some more boundaries. One of those boundaries could be about control and him holding this over your head all the time. This seems to be an ongoing thing with him and it needs to stop.
Ask the Lord to control your emotions so that anger is not involved in this, but that he takes control over your mouth and if confronting him is what he wants you to do, then to please show you. You will know exactly what you are supposed to do, just listen and wait for his answer.
I had problems with the BB earlier too, I think I posted the same thing ten times to Nik.
Regarding The Talk--I've said this all to H, at different times in the last few months. So wouldn't he know this, I mean how many times can I repeat myself. I think he needs a bigger reason to stay.
Quote: but let time and trust and actions work for us
Quote: You could be getting to the point where you are being told that it is time to set some more boundaries. One of those boundaries could be about control and him holding this over your head all the time. This seems to be an ongoing thing with him and it needs to stop.
You know this has always been an ongoing issue with my H. First it was I'm moving out, I'm divorcing you, if this or that happens I'm done, pretty much since I met my H and throughout our whole marriage. Any time there were problems "I'm getting a divorce" I don't know if it's his way of controlling ME or what, but I don't want to live the rest of my life with this kind of "threat" hanging over my head.
I will pray for the words, or just ask for the words when the time comes.
Quote: You could be getting to the point where you are being told that it is time to set some more boundaries. One of those boundaries could be about control and him holding this over your head all the time. This seems to be an ongoing thing with him and it needs to stop.
You know this has always been an ongoing issue with my H. First it was I'm moving out, I'm divorcing you, if this or that happens I'm done, pretty much since I met my H and throughout our whole marriage. Any time there were problems "I'm getting a divorce" I don't know if it's his way of controlling ME or what, but I don't want to live the rest of my life with this kind of "threat" hanging over my head.
I will pray for the words, or just ask for the words when the time comes.
Quote: H knows I want him there, but I didn't say that to him.
Quote: You know this has always been an ongoing issue with my H. First it was I'm moving out, I'm divorcing you, if this or that happens I'm done, pretty much since I met my H and throughout our whole marriage. Any time there were problems "I'm getting a divorce"
Maybe I'm nuts but I'm hearing a guy who's terrified of being abandoned, who wants to leave first before you can hurt him by leaving, and who is desperately trying to get you to say that you DON'T want him to leave, that you still love him and want him.
H, you decide, I want you to be happy... if you want a divorce, then we can do that. But, I would really prefer for us to stay together. If we decide to stay, I think you asking me when am I going to leave, you telling me you are leaving, you suggesting you want a D, it all has to stop. It is not helping for you to say those things... or whatever. Just eliminate those phrases...
Could you? Would he respect that boundary?
Sometimes just not going there is enough to keep you on the right track. If he wants reassurance, maybe you could get him to ask for it...
Who knows, Cathy... JMHO...
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: Maybe I'm nuts but I'm hearing a guy who's terrified of being abandoned, who wants to leave first before you can hurt him by leaving, and who is desperately trying to get you to say that you DON'T want him to leave, that you still love him and want him.
No, you are not nuts. Sounds like my H.
Sometimes the very thing you're looking for is the one thing you can't see..
I think Ellie has a good point. Time and time again your H keeps bring it up why don't you D him or kick him out? You have been consistant in your stance that its his decision and yet the cycle continues. Seems like a cheeseless tunnel and so its time to do something different.
What if the next time he brings it up you say, "OK, I'm putting my foot down on this once and for all so there is no more doubt in your mind what I want. I want you to stay! I want you in my bedroom! I want you to be my H!" < Maybe plant a big juicy one at this time> "So I'm not gonna kick you out and I don't want to D you."
I also agree with Ellie; your H has been doing this for a long time (as has mine) and it might be time to do something different!
Quoting KAW:
Quote: "OK, I'm putting my foot down on this once and for all so there is no more doubt in your mind what I want. I want you to stay! I want you in my bedroom! I want you to be my H!" < Maybe plant a big juicy one at this time> "So I'm not gonna kick you out and I don't want to D you."
All--we had a nice evening and actually I spoke with H after lunch yesterday and we had a nice conversation about his job and what's been happening with it.
Then last night we had a nice evening together. We just did house/family things. I did some laundry, S watched some cartoons, H snacked and was on the computer surfing for bass boats. Had dinner, told H I had plans to go to Target, H asked if I was taking S and I said yep. H said he had someplace to go and then S decided he didn't want to go with me, he wanted to stay with Daddy. D changed his mind about his plans and stayed with S while I went to Target. H and S went to the park by our house, took S's bike along with them. I came home, they were just getting home, had bought S some biking gloves--he thought they were very cool.
H gets his keys and takes off, says he's going to his bar..he wasn't gone more than an hour. Comes home, takes a shower says good night to S, I am in the kitchen and H heads down to his room, I say goodnight. Make H a sandwhich for his lunch and then go to bed.
I did put a card in H's lunchbox today. I had bought it awhile ago and on the cover is a bed with one person in it and the front says "I've been blue" (the bed is blue) and you open it and says since you've been gone.
