First of all.............. for a great job standing your ground and not letting her slither under the door. Hold the line and do not agree to let her work from the house. She is using the child to make you feel guilty, saying you are throwing your baby out, etc. A WW is not worried about her kids, she simply uses them for her selfish, manipulative, power over the H.
I read your updates quickly, so if I am missing something, let me know. IMHO, she can stay with her parents and work from their home......or wherever, but you don't have to allow her back into your home on her excuses. Now, be prepared in case some poster starts telling you that if her name is on the mortgage then blah, blah, blah. Don't worry about any of that right now. If she wants to push things legally, so be it. Don't mention any of this to her. I'm just sharing with you, in case it comes up in a post. I see a woman who retreated b/c her H had the b@lls to tell his cheating W that she wasn't wanted there as long as she was still contacting her lover. Bravo!!
She may make all kinds of threats and throw you under the bus, but it's b/c she knows she is wrong and that you have every right in the world to kick her out. NOBODY KNOWS BETTER THAN A WW THAT SHE IS AS GUILTY AS SIN. She knows when she is taking advantage and throwing a few bread crumbs at the LBH, like being all warm & fuzzy, saying, "We'll just take one day at a time", while she lives under his roof, sleeping in separate beds and she continues her affair. She KNOWS what she's doing. She knows she is doing you wrong!
Ignore her constant calls, she just wants to verbally bash you, try to manipulate you, use her tears to make you feel sorry for her........whatever new trick she pulls out of her bag. Two most used cards the WW will play are: Guilt card, where she tries to make you feel guilty for being so hard on her. And, the control card, where she accuses you of trying to control her. Pretty rich, considering she can be a slick manipulator. This is who you are dealing with. It's the girl you fell in love with, okay?
Continue the regularly scheduled face time between mother & child. You don't participate. (Good job!) She'll try to get your attention any way she can. Don't buy it.
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I was naive and foolish to think she was changing.
However, you were posting and reading our advice, and LEARNING. That's the game-changer! I admire a man who respects himself enough to put a WW in her place, in spite of his personal loving feelings he still holds. It's hard, but I promise you she will respect you for it. She won't like, and may say she hates you.......but in she'll respect you. She may never tell you, b/c of her false pride, but she'll respect you.......b/c that's how she is wired. She may stay mad and hateful for quite a while, especially while she's still contacting OM. But when that affair is over, and if she's suffered enough consequences, she stands a greater chance in making a turnaround in her own mindset. If she wants it badly enough. In the meantime, your job is to hold that line and don't get soft and become all melty-man.
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She was cake eating and probably scared over finances due to losing work hours as result of this health scare. She even asked me for $ the other day if she gets stuck.
See what I'm talking about? She isn't thinking of anyone but her own benefit.
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I'm going to sit down and write my boundaries up to email her (if you guys agree it's a good idea). I will post them on here first.
No! Not yet. Hold on, and give me a few minutes to talk to you about it in the next post. Okay?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
