KC, quit trying to "nice" him back. It never ever never ever never ever works. You locked down the finances, that was a very wise and prudent thing to do given your deteriorating marital situation. He is pouting and throwing a fit and making all kinds of accusations like an 8 year old that wants a toy at the store. Let me ask you, would you give that kid the toy? Is that the answer? Does it make everything better? Temporarily maybe, but that kid will lose ALL RESPECT for you and continue to control and manipulate you in ever more aggressive ways.
DO NOT PAY OFF YOUR CARS RIGHT NOW. DO NOT GIVE HIM MONEY TO BUY A HOUSE. I don't care if he thinks it's "his" money that he was going to use to buy some fancy toy, it's marital assets, period. You've taken moves to protect yourself, and that is GOOD because you need protection from this a-hole.
You want to recon? Then you've GOT to earn his respect. Quit being the whiny, desperate, pathetic pushover content to lap up crumbs. Respect yourself enough to quit giving in to his manipulation tactics. Everything needs to be filtered through your attorney now, period. Stop being the victim and start being the strong woman you are inside.
He was informed last night that locks and codes were changed.
That was met with a bevy of texts that he was coming by in the AM. I repeated again that he is not to be here. He needs to respect my need for space that he could give me a list of essentials and a time for where/when for him to collect.
He kept insisting he was going to be here at 9amish. He already needed to be in town.
I said again he is not respecting me and he needs to not be here. He has been gong 6 days already so he has enough to manage right now.
I got that he needed x, y, z. And, I was preventing him from access to his medical stuff. I reminded him he hasn't needed it for 6 weeks. He insisted he needed his toothbrush... Again, I reminded him that he hasn't missed it in the last 6 weeks and he started to complain about how the toothbrush he has is all matted, blah blah blah.
I stated I was not keeping him from anything but telling me he was showing up at X time was not finding a time that worked for both of us.
H states he hasn't slept well for 2 weeks as the oral appliance we sprang out of pocket for at 3K ins't working as well as the Cpap, but keep in mind he has never packed his Cpap in the last 6 weeks.
I'm NOT supposed to validate right now??? I get confused.
I am kicking his behind out the door.
I am telling him I am worth more. I am done.
I'm not proud of where the convo went --- the OW. You can stay there and I can do an address change so we can separate out insurance (insurance won't separate while he still lives at same address.) He tired to lie and say he doesn't stay there all the time. Its a one bedroom apartment and its very small. WAH! WAH! You are all up in her business you make a little cute love nest (of course I didn't say that last part... that's me venting.)
We talked briefly about work. He didn't realize that I am still working as I'm considered part of the essential business allowed to work on lockdown - I'm in public health in a way...
I'm trying to breath and give myself time to respond. Its not always perfect in the heat of the moment.
I said to him that you said you kept trying and kept trying, but YOU SHOULD HAVE NEVER GIVEN UP ON ME. I am your wife.
H said you are probably right. H said he just got burnt out.
I said this was supposed to be amicable but you have treated me like doormat. H apologized (please keep in mind how very little this man ever apologizes - he would do more with actions than words in our marriage.) H said he didn't mean to and this is just wasn't supposed to be like this.
I let it go... but really what WAS it supposed to be like???
I ENDED the call. It was me again calling the shots on our communication.
I packed a few things quickly as I needed to get to work ASAP so didn't really have time to address everything he wanted but seriously he has been gone 6 days he has enough to survive.
He texted me to let him know when he could pick up his stuff... no response... he can drive by and see the trash bags on the porch.
I'm taking back my control.
I'm bracing that this will get ugly.
But, he is treating me with no respect and seriously... I have doctorate... I'm valuable to my community and loved by my clients... he used to revere me. I'm done.
