Update time! Things are still plugging along. The greatest difficulty I have is managing my emotions. I have anxiety, and I spiral a bit in my mind. I have a care plan and routine that helps, but, as I'm sure you are all aware, this is a stressful time with an extra heap of stress due to the coronavirus. I am doing okay, definitely better than I would have in the past. Since last time, he initiated a conversation about his feelings. It didn't start off as a relationship talk, more mental health, but he's seeing how one effects the other. He said that he doesn't know why he asked for a divorce. That he has fear that makes him feel anxious that makes him self sabotage. Awareness is the first step. I am totally stepping back, as I see him figuring all this out. He doesn't currently see me as a threat (I mean as in pain, rejection, etc.). He's realized that he created that narrative largely based on assumptions and misunderstanding. I'm not ignorant to some very real pain in our relationship. I feel like he is solving the puzzle but not completely there. And he's going to have to get there to be with me. I feel really good about things right now. With the virus stuff, he's gone into protector mode and been very supportive and thoughtful. We stayed up late one night after the kids had gone to bed. Kicked back with some booze. It was a lot of fun and laughs, then he brought up the relationship. My filter was gone. Things did get tense, difficult. Not bad. Not a fight. Just a little too real perhaps. But he didn't pull back the next day. I'm actually seeing that he is pursuing me. Idk it's working. Despite being homebound for the most part, I'm keeping up with what I can. Lots of walks in the neighborhood, art projects, reading, etc. That part has been good. Health scares, not so much. The panic we're seeing in our area, not so much. But we're safe and supporting each other and our kids. We've got what we need. We're good.
