MLC newbie

[Believe6]

Grace, thank you so much.
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I found another thread from Kansha... she talks about letting God. I was struggling with what that meant and for some reason, I found that thread from back in 12/20/02...

She says, "This morning I started thinking about H as I was driving back from dropping the kids at school and immediately I said, "No, this is not for me to solve, I've turned it over to God, thank you, God." and that was it.
A feeling of lightness came over me and my mind went on to think of more pleasant things.

I'm not even checking to see how God is doing. It doesn't even sound right to "check on God's work" when you hear it but, I know I'm always looking to see if God is working on it. This would be enough to make any human give up. But, God loves me and understands my impatience. But, I love God so I will not continue to be unloving by looking over His shoulder, so to speak.

Letting Go is always a good idea. I forgot that when I had something to "work" on.

I know my H needs lots of space, still . I do get tired and impatient, I know but, this is not in my time and I know I am perfectly welcome to give up at any time. I will know that I have done everything I can (well that's the point, isn't it?)to save my marriage, to make it satisfying. But, I have not trusted God by continuing to let go.

This is a lesson to learn many times over. Each time I get better and better at it."
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You are right... he has to see for himself that no matter what he does... push me away, draw me close... talk or not... his demons are inside his mind and heart. I can not do this for him. Heck, we can't do anyone's path... not even our beloved kids for them. I am a professional corp Trainer. I know this stuff. I know that I can share concepts, ideas and even great tactics, but people must do the work.

I must also stop being the "fixer" with him. He is not someone who needs or wants my fixing. I started doing that a long time ago. I don't know when I went from being his partner and his friend to being a "fixer." I believe I fluctuated between those roles. And it must have driven him nuts. I know it changed me.

I am not going to be her. Whether or not he comes back to me, I will not be this "fixer' even if I do it as a job. I need to be me again. The woman who loves life. Who loves people. Who cares and reaches out. Who listens. Who learns. Who is curious about life and others and is willing to admit she doesn't know everything... who is willing to be flexible. Happy. Loving. Open. Kind. Non-judgemental. Compassionate..... The woman I was when he first met me only better, only deeper.

Thanks for the reminder, Grace!