I think the cold stares and distance are them trying to emotionally shut down. How else can he possibly function in the face of the double life he is leading? It is a way of existing in the face of truly horrific behavior. Sort of like compartmentalizing. Confronting the pain he is causing is too much to bear. They have to dissociate from it all. I remember conversations where H was like a marble statue. His body was there but the eyes were like a statue. Totally shut down.
It feels really awful doesn't it?
You are doing great. Such strength. Take all the time you need.
