I have lost track of what is happening here. I look forward to the day when things slow down and I can catch up on some of your sitches. I am an ICU nurse & charge nurse in an area that is preparing to get hit hard in the days and weeks to come. We have a very vulnerable and diverse population. It has been surreal. I have been working almost every day, and the stress and anxiety wherever I turn is palpable. I am not eating or sleeping well and I find myself in this perpetual state of fight or flight. We cannot get test results on our patients in a timely manor. We do not have enough appropriate isolation rooms or PPE. I have to ration PPE to my staff and ask them to resuse it. We know when the patients come in larger numbers we will run out. Nurses are falling off the schedule. We will need double or quadrouble the staff to accommodate the volume we may see. And on and on ... I am not afraid of getting sick. I am afraid of being in a situation where we cannot care for people and have to neglect care we would normally be able to provide. It kills me to even think about ... it is also interesting to see people's different responses during a crisis. Some stand up and fight, some hide, some try to carry on and act as if business is usual .... I feel proud that I am a fighter.
My kids have been shelter in place. They are doing well with it thus far. It has been strange in some ways and there have actually been some positives that I didn't anticipate. We have had more family dinners, game nights, and time together. A usual evening is driving them around to practices, lessons and games. Now we are all together and sometimes it is nice. H has been awesome. He has been shopping (with his social distancing of course), organizing, cleaning, and taking on with helping the the kids schooling (which is now online).
I feel fortunate that we are both able to still work and support our family. I am lucky my kids are old enough to be home alone so we can still go to work. We still have our health. I think life as we know it will be different after this pandemic calms down. I imagine we will all learn some valuable life lessons from this time. I am already thinking about what is important to me and why. I already feel gratitude that i can make a positive difference in my community. Much like the chaos of BD, I am learning more about my own personal strengths and what I am capable of.
Take care of yourselves everyone :-)))
Blu
AND STAY THE F HOME, PLEASE!
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
