Needing to pull a last resort 2

[sandi2]

Line in the sand regarding?

Regarding your self respect. You have core values, spiritual/moral integrity, principles & standards, by which you conduct your life. Where would you draw the line in tolerating a complete lack of respect? More especially, disrespect from your W? Are there boundaries in place?

I don't view love as only (or even primarily) an emotional thing. The law is the law, but for my personal beliefs and my faith, I don't care much what the government thinks. It's just a piece of paper and has nothing to do with my vows and the commitment I made.

So, no matter what your W may do, you would remain committed to the marriage? If she brought another man into your home for the purpose of fortification right under your nose, and she mocked you for being lousy in bed, dragged your name through the mud, refused to ever be intimate with you again.........or a number of other horrible things she could do to destroy you, it wouldn't change your decision to remain committed? If she leaves you and marries another man, you will live out the rest of your life alone, without a sexual companion, committed to the vows you made. Right?

Would you say your W is as strong in her faith as you are? Have you seen any changes in her that would make you question it?

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I understand very well how unconditional love is often preached from the pulpit. And, as your Pastor said, it's how something is received by the other person, that makes the difference. Something I encourage you to think about, is how the H should respond to disrespect under his own roof. I'm not throwing shade to your faith, church, or Pastor. I just want to know what you believe is the appropriate response when a wife verbally, or otherwise, disrespects her H.

Appropriate response would be to address it.

You mean talk to her about it? And if she refused to do the right thing, then what is the next step for the H?

No. No abuse, no infidelity, no drinking, no gambling, etc.

I am not sure what benefits she gets right now beyond me being here with our daughter. Our finances have always been mostly separate. She pays for the house, and a car payment (it was a lease that just finished and she wanted to keep it). She asked me to give her all the information for utilities and insurance so that she could pay for them. She even still does my laundry. So you could almost say that I am getting all the benefits of being married, except for the intimate relationship.

I'm not sure either, but it could be that she is waiting on something else to happen, that doesn't have anything to do with you directly. I believe when a woman says she is done and wants a divorce......yet, she continues to remain legally M to her H, she is benefiting in some kind of fashion. She either receives financial, physical, or emotional support.......or she's holding back due to the probable criticism and lack of support from family & friends when they discover her intentions. I think the latter applies especially when there has been a strong religious foundation while growing up, and probably more so in "traditional" families, (as they are referred to by modern times). But, it's JMHO. I apologize for my short term memory today, but does she have a close relationship with her parents, and are they strong in living Christian lives?

I've allowed myself to consider pretty much anything as far as her reasons. But I just haven't been able to come to any conclusions.

It must be agonizing, trying to figure out what's going on with her. I have seen a few cases where a W would leave her H without any warning or explanation. In those particular cases, the W would move off and the H would not hear from her again. However, in each case, there was not a child born into the marriage. They were usually couples going through second marriages as older adults, and some had children from previous MR's or the kids were grown and living off somewhere. I remember how sad I felt for these LBH's, b/c in a couple of cases, the walk away wife left no address or phone number for contact. Anyway, I only tell you about them, in case you see any comparison, plus having a small child together will, hopefully, be a link to her.

I encourage you to rest in your faith, and pray for your W. Also, pray that God will reveal anything you may need to change in yourself. I'm sure you have already been fervently praying. It's difficult for some of us to let go and put our loved ones in God's hands. At the moment, I don't know much more to suggest, except to follow the book, Divorce Remedy.......and use the 37 rules as guidelines. Don't take it to mean I think you should give up and stop posting. We are on Captain N's team, and will try to give emotional support and/or share out thoughts as long as you are here.

((hugs))