Help with WW #2

[OS2]

Thanks LH19 and sandi2. She has offered transparency but I haven't checked yet (I know, stupid I should have but just figured if she was hiding something she'd be clean when she just moved back in anyway). Because I found out by snooping I've tried to not do that. She hasn't moved everything back in yet and went to talk to her mum last night who knows about OM. She came back in floods of tears which made me think she'd chatted with OM over messages and her mum and decided to end it. She mentioned her mum had said "she was doing the right thing". Only thing I can think of that would get her that upset - she couldn't hide how upset she was. I remember Steve85 above saying how much it hurts when your W is mourning the loss of OM. I thought she was doing that last night, yep, hurts. This morning she went out and then said she isn't sure about the M anymore and whether it would be "kinder to let me go". I now think she wants me but doesn't want to lose him rather than the other way round.

She's played it all down so much (and continues to play it all down) but I can't see why she isn't wanting to make the M work unless there is something stopping her. This wasn't obvious at first when she moved back - she seemed different. She's been different again last night/today though, like she's opened up to the idea of leaving OM. I find the whole thing so awful though but don't know if I'm reading everything correctly though, so can't call her out on anything. I go from thinking it's all over with OM and rationalising any fears due to classic betrayed spouse being sensitive to thinking it's still going on and reading the signs differently.

Listen, if she had really ended all forms of contact with the OM, she'd be suffering from withdrawals. It usually takes several months just to get through the withdrawals. She can't fall out of love with you, into love with OM, then out of love with him and bounce back into love with you again.

This. Thank you.

Maybe I'm wrong, and I hope I am.........but I don't think I am.

I know I've been a bad DB'er but not divulged R details other than transparency, no. The problem is her story is unchanging and a big part of me wants to believe her and help her. The other part is angry/hurt and very sceptical and it changes my approach all the time.

Can I ask for your advice?
- If she is having doubts should I ask her to move out again until she wants to work at M? She says she is struggling to be completely committed. I don't know whether OM is the cause of this or not conclusively, but if she is having doubts should I tell her to go?
- As of last night she has started to show physical interest (despite what she's said!) Either to see what it feels like or because she is trying to figure out what she wants. Should I respond?
- She has suggested moving out for a while to "sort her head out". Should I allow this? I've wondered what this would achieve. I've said it's up to her what she does.
- She's said she wants me to tell her what to do and she'll do it - time away, a week together with 0 contact with anyone. She said she'll try anything, she just wants to get back on track. I thought this might be a good idea, but I don't want to force distance between her and OM. I need to find out more of what's going on I think.
- I believe she is on the turn at giving the M another chance and finding the spark again, but if OM is still in contact that won't happen. Do I just hang tight in the current situation? Do I act affectionate as if I don't suspect what is going on or do I call her out on all this that I think. She will say I'm dreaming it though because I have no proof currently.
- How should I act now?