I spoke to my husband in person for the first time since the DB. He's so cold and distant. It really hurts. He is also very defensive and acts like he is the victim. WTF? Anyways, is this normal? I feel like this is beyond repair. Does everyone feel like this in the beginning?
Any advice from you vets would be appreciated. Thanks.
Yes --- my H is the same way. Cold hard stare. Blank face. Most of the time. Doing things/saying things to justify his behavior.
There was one afternoon where he came home and said hello first and his face was soft and relaxed and there were no signs of stress. He seemed peacefull. I went about my day and left to do things I needed. When he returned later that same day it was back to cold, distant, angry.
I truly think that when H pings back and forth he is confused and questioning himself. If he sees me making changes he can become even angrier.
Why would that be???
Because when H sees you being different then they say to themselves... Well if she can do it NOW, why wasn't she doing it all along??? It has to be because they were not worthy or something of the like.
But, I can tell you from previous experience they will at first get angry about any changes that they are seeing.
I got a scathing text from H that stated that he sees me now taking pride in myself and hitting my home gym equipment hard to get into shape. I should have been doing it 4yrs ago according to him. Its just another log to add to his fire on why he is leaving but at the same time anger is them questioning themselves.
Listen to the vets... let them guide you. Don't feel that you need to react everytime he DOES something. Truly work on yourself and what things you would like to see in your life and it truly does make them curious and draw them back in but it takes time... a lot of time... you have to be willing to give it your all and at the same time leave him alone.
