Quote I meant that next time she disrespects me by acting like I'm not around, I will call out the behaviour. I will say it is unnecessary and inappropriate, and that she needs to acknowledge my presence in a timely manner. No additional conversation required, just the common courtesy of a simple hello.
Okay, and if she chooses not to acknowledge your presence? What then?
I'm lost now. Am I meant to be standing up to her disrespect, or ignoring it and dropping the rope?
Are you lost b/c of my question about what would you do if she chooses to not to acknowledge your presence after you call her out?
Let me ask you this........do you know when your W is disrespecting you? I mean, can you recognize her actions that are disrespectful to you (verbal, attitude, conduct, putting you down, mocking you, criticizing you in front of others, etc.)? Now, you seemed very upset that she won't speak upon seeing you. You said it was rude, and you were going to call her hand on it the next time she would not speak. That is fine. I only asked what you would do if that did not work. Why does that throw you into feeling lost/confused? I simply wanted you to realize that calling her out about her rudeness may not change anything, b/c she has a choice. Make sense? Therefore, you need to have some idea of how you would handle it, should she continue being rude. How would you protect your feelings? Well, maybe you won't invite her inside your house whenever exchanging child time, or if you go to her place for exchange, then stay inside your vehicle instead of standing around watching her.
Expecting her to speak to acknowledge your presence, is a bit of a two-edged sword, b/c if you choose to ignore her texts, then she'll accuse you of doing the same type of rudeness. As MWD says, pick your battles wisely. IMHO, the things you could ignore is when she sends a text that doesn't require a response. If she sends a photo of the kids, or forwards a joke, or to just make some idle statement, feeling sorry for herself, talking about how hard she has it, etc. These are actual ways a WW keeps her LBH emotionally attached. You know, she has to keep her Plan B in place.
Dropping the rope means you let go of her physically and emotionally. You and your W have been in an emotional tug of war, and you need to stop pulling the rope on your end. It doesn't mean you roll over and act a like doormat. It doesn't mean you file for D, if you don't want a D. You step away from her, and give her all the space in the world. You live your life and let her live her life, and as long as she treats you in a civil, respectful manner, then don't flare up and over react to every little thing. Don't apply emotional pressure trying to get her back. Don't find various excuses to keep contact going. Don't make yourself available to her. If physically separated, then don't become her personal repairman, plumber, carpenter, tech guy, counselor, BFF, etc. Don't try to rescue her whenever she is faced with a problem. Don't support her financially, if she is physically able to work. (I'm not talking about child support.) I could on & on, but if you've read my threads, then I think you understand what I'm saying here. If not, then say so and I'll try to clarify.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
