Please start a thread of your own so that others can provide support and/or guidance to you. You are still on moderation and most likely will remain on moderation until you create a thread. I know, it's crazy, but we can't be too careful as to who posts on any of the forums.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
