Thanks for checking in may! I can't believe it's been a week since I last updated...!!
The world has changed a lot in a week. I thought I was in a crisis before, but now this crisis is something entirely on a different scale. Needless to say our marriage is not really on the top of my list of things to deal with at the moment. I'm not sure which is better.....obsessed with the state of covid-19 or the state of our M?? lol. I welcome the "distraction."
H recently came into contact with someone who came from a high risk location, so we both think it's best to limit our physical contact. I've seen him for maybe less than 5 mins total last week. He stopped by the house to grab some clothes and took off. In times like this, I feel rather fortunate that H has a place of his own. He can self quarantine! Who knew that this would be one of the perks of him moving out?
On the other hand, my newfound zen definitely has been interrupted by the anxiety of the virus situation. It's amazing how anxiety takes a toll on the overall mental state. it leads to one thing and another...(such as less patience with the kids) and at the end of the day everyday I feel completely drained. I have been dipping my feet in the pool of sorrow a little bit.....feeling sorry for myself that it's the apocalypse and I am trying to raise three children on my own.
So it's strange. The beginning of last week I was kind of upset that he didn't seem to care what's going on in the world. But I guess maybe because the virus situation got worse so he's finally paying attention. We talked on the phone a few times recently about random things and I feel like our attitude/tone towards each other has relaxed a little. It's less cold. Today I almost said a habitual "love you!" in the end when I was about to hang up. I caught myself in the beginning of the L sound and quickly said "ok bye!"
Did I mention that I can't really hold grudges? Plus it doesn't help that I am feeling quite helpless right now, I almost want to tell H to just forget what happened up to this point, and let's just start over!!! I actually have to remind myself that things have not been pretty in the last few months.
Who knows what's going to happen. Life is really unpredictable. I watched Frozen 2 the other day and was inspired by the song "do the next right thing."
Take a step, step again It is all that I can to do The next right thing I won't look too far ahead It's too much for me to take But break it down to this next breath, this next step This next choice is one that I can make
