Fear that there is no hope for us in the open-ended future—I’ve lost my ability to hope. All this time I’ve made note of little positive exchanges we’ve had, but what are these to the hours and hours he’s spent with basically anyone else but me since BD? He’s still on the phone and I’m done crying, so I’ll probably fall asleep soon. But I find myself wanting to listen just to hear stories of what he’s been up to lately. A little glimpse into the life of this person who has made his thoughts and feelings a mystery to me. What are all the hours he’s spending with these people to the hours we spent building a life together?
