I do read all your posts. Unfortunately this is not texting, so the cadence of conversation is delayed sometimes.
You put it very well. H is a roommate you would not have chosen.
It’s amazing how they become the opposite, isn’t it? Like an alien took over their body. It is so disorienting!
All the waves of emotions you’re riding are all perfectly normal. Anger, fear, hurt, sadness - it takes time to process these. Grief takes time.
I found rationalizing helps. Our intellect and physical actions are truly the only things is our direct control. Emotions and beliefs are influenced - by intellect and action. (Ok a little simplified but close enough)
Your understanding, your logic, your reason does help. Mental assertiveness - sword and shield. We are not unarmed in this.
Intellect is sans emotions. While in your intellectual car, you have emotional peace and indifference. These times influence your emotional state; uncouple your reactions from H.
Understanding is intellect. Acceptance is emotional. Acceptance is emotional understanding.
Of course one cannot stay in their intellectual car forever. One must feel their emotions. Allow yourself to feel what you feel. Let it wash over you - not rule you. Remember you influence your emotions. They come from within you, therefore you can affect them.
Being accurate in thought and heart is a good method towards detachment. Seeing things as they really are.
Originally Posted by cardinal
I know I need to set this boundary with H, and I know feel I'd rather avoid it.
Boundaries are for you. For your emotional protection and peace of mind.
You know the benefit of a boundary. See that is not intellect that would rather avoid it. No, your reason knows the value of it, it’s your emotions that hinder you. Fear.
Tell me what you fear. And in doing so, you will tell yourself. The first step in letting go.
Rationalizing leads to detachment. See the things you think and the things you feel.
You are doing really good. Hang in there. Day by day, and even minute by minute when needed. (((Hugs)))
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
