MLC newbie

[Believe6]

Thank you so much, DnJ! I am focusing on how to get through each moment. I am coming up with ways to "see" my kids not through the lens of my pain, but through the lens of never ending love. I have become too focused on getting my "family" back or saving my "family." I get that the family I thought we had is gone now. Whatever family is left if and when he comes out of MLC will be a new family and hopefully a much better one because he and I are better.

Looking back now, I realize how much I had changed since we got married and had kids. I knew nothing about raising kids. I knew I wanted them, but he was always so much more relaxed and gifted in that area. I am grateful that right now, he really is still being a good dad. He says the kids are the only thing that make him happy. At least he has that and really so do I.

The person I became was really a fixer, controlling, overly opinionated and sometimes not very affectionate. Although many would say we were overly affectionate to begin with so maybe it was more like becoming like others. I also realize I stopped sharing my true feelings and fears. I forgot how to have hunger for life. To keep growing and expanding. It's like I was waiting for permission to do things, want things, dream of things... I did have a bucket list, but the desire to actually do anything on it was forced. Maybe it was having kids. Maybe it was "settling" in to life. But I've felt lost myself off and on over the years.

The gift here is I am being forced to ask what I really want the next half of my life to be and if I want it to be with him. I still look at him and have that same melty feeling. I still believe the core of him is in there if he can find his way out of this. But I get it. He may never find his way out and that's not what i should be focusing on anyway.

I am getting better at not checking on him or worrying about him. I am working on both indifference and detachment as you say. I am learning to let go and let God, but it is so very hard. I am used to being in charge. To making strategic plans and following through to completion and success. But that's the thing about relationships. They have their own path and their own plan... I guess i just have to go along for the ride.

Thanks again! BTW, are there any success stories for marriages coming through MLC? I believe long ago Hearts Blessing had hers. But anyone recently?