But just now he started playing a record and said, Oh, I was going to tell you you might want to get some earplugs. If I’m trapped in here at night now I worry about making too much noise. I’ll be up all night.
Like, what, I said, screaming in the middle of the night?
You know, listening to music, being on the phone, he said, and you go to sleep at like 9:30.
Well, I have earplugs somewhere, I said, but maybe if you’re listening to music at 10:30 you can put headphones on?
The house is so small, he said.
So: I feel myself being walked over—At first I thought he was being considerate but alsoby the end he seemed to be saying, guess you’ll have to adapt to my schedule, even as his tone seemed nice. I didn’t continue the convo because I felt myself getting really angry.
How do I create an agreement like I would with a roommate? If you need to make calls or play music after 10, I’d appreciate if you’d use headphones?
You create an agreement like you would with a roommate.
You are getting walked all over on this. How would you behave if it wasn’t H? If you were not manipulating, or try to affect an outcome?
People will treat you the way you let them.
I said, but maybe if you’re listening to music at 10:30 you can put headphones on?
I said, I appreciate you worrying about making noise while up all night. If you’re listening to music or watching movies between 10:30pm and 08:00am you can put headphones on. It is night time, you can stay up if you want, the house will be quiet.
You don’t back down from this. There is no maybe. Treat him like the rebellious teenager he is. It works. He’ll sulk, and get mad. Let him. You have no need to placate him on this. It’s night time and he needs to demonstrate respect for others.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
