It doesn’t really feel like I need to set a boundary here—-if he wants to, he can ask til the cows come home. I still won’t open up to him, and it’s no skin off my back.
I was reacting to your self-description of not having a poker face. It seemed like you did open up to him a bit, saying you are having a hard time, crying, etc. If you feel strong enough to not react, then I think it's fine to say "Yup, doing okay" as long as you can stick to it. I may be misreading your sitch but it seems like your H is perfectly fine in his own cognitively dissonant reality where he put you through h3ll while he also sees himself as a shoulder to cry on.
Originally Posted by HopeCA
It’s more that I feel like I want him to know the reason that I’m not talking to him about my feelings. I don’t expect to get any kind of reaction from it. It just seems like he doesn’t get it. And seeing as its inevitable he will try again to see if I’ll talk to him about the way I’m feeling, I’d like to use the opportunity to let him know why I won’t. In part, it feels like a temp check. And I don’t want to give him anything.
I hear that you want him to stop temp checking, and you think by explaining your reasons to him, he will stop. I doubt that explaining your reasons is going to have the intended effect. If anything, he may sense your vulnerability and continue with the temp checking.
How about: "I appreciate your concern, thanks."
That pull to have the WAS just *understand* our feelings is so strong, I know. I still have it too sometimes. The times where I let go of that wish, I feel free.
