Cross countries separation EU

[Pack_19]

hi Sandi, all!
Hope you are all safe with the covid situation. I have not written in a long time because of some big changes going on here. I finally moved back to Spain, I got a lot of paperwork closed in Germany, bills, banks, house and so on and on. I drove to Spain on what was a very fun road trip with a temporary reg plate that meant I got asked some questions when crossing borders!

Back in Spain I had to setup the new house, buy furniture for the kids bedroom and in parallel settle down in Madrid and the new office. I had only been there for a week when the covid took over Madrid and I was sent to work from home so I traveled to where my W and children live and I have been there since (at my secondary home, only getting out to go to the supermarket and taking the trash out!)

So since the covid situation started I have been busy trying to get some order at home, work and in my personal life. the closure of schools meant I got many days with my children at home and it has been crazy! They want out naturally but you cannot go out and there is a time when they need to burn down all that energy even if it is running inside the house. Great news is the little one (S1) started walking here with me and it was fantastic to be there now that I have all these doubts about my future and if I will ever manage to reconcile and get my family back. A part of me was broken thinking that my W was missing it but I cannot do more to show her the door is open.

I stopped talking about us, I am focusing on myself right now and getting better at exercising and reading some books now that we have all this free time in curfew. I did have a massive step back one day I wrote some accusative pm to my W and she used the next time we saw each other to tell me I was never going to fix this, she used sarcasm to express I had not been able to save the M in 10 years and she said I have been taught I can get anything I want and therefore my insistence in fixing our marriage. I apologized for the unfortunate messages and I realized how cold and distant she is from me. She denies it but I truly think she hates me, I feel it is sad she thinks my attitude is a mistake and she cannot see the effort I am putting to change my defects. There is nothing I can do there I guess.

No more progress with my lawyer, I need to see after the covid how I can schedule my life between Madrid and hometown and then ask for more custody according to that. I have sad days, I still cry in the shower and I re-read my thread here. As you can imagine all my friends and family are pushing me to move on, but I have a better plan. One that involves strength and suffering but one that will prepare me for the future, whatever that looks like for my family. I know she is not happy, one cannot be happy when you have so much hatred and blame against another person so I am giving her distance from me and I pray every night that she will see there is happiness and fulfillment in our family.

I am working now for a new certification I need at work to be able to promote and I am about to take back the piano course I purchased in Munich. I am also focused on saving money to pay back to my parents all the money they invested in refurbishing the house I have now here for me and the children. My goals have moved from how can I go back to our R when we started dating to how do I become the man I always wanted to be, a man that cannot be shaken by all the contempt and rejection from his W and at the same time the best father on earth. I am not even close to 50% emotionally healed, so I still need you guys. I never thought separation, divorce or whatever is it that I am living could take this long and be this hard. I hope you are all doing great, is fantastic to be back and with new goals.

hugs! ((()))