I think this is the longest period of time that I haven't posted. I realize that it might be a turning point for me, in a way. It tells me that my sitch is not as all consuming as it once was, perhaps. Thoughts of H pop in and out all day. Still.
A few days ago, I sent my comprehensive list to H that outlined all the items I thought we agreed to for the . He just settlement. He said that he was meeting with an attorney on Friday, and may retain him (perhaps her?), and will get back to me. Well, all this time and finally, he will (may?) retain an attorney. The process is slow, and for now will be slower, I'm sure because of all the other important things going on in this world.
H has sent a few random text messages about current events....am I worried, maybe it's time to stock up on food and booze, things of that nature. I joked to a friend today that if H is stuck inside for a few weeks with OW, and it's as strained as he made is sound, than it might really implode. I found myself hoping that it does, and hoping that he is miserable. And glad about it. I do have a bit of a mean streak in my thoughts. But, I'm human, and just being honest here.
S22 is in meltdown mode. He went back to university (even though it's all on-line for the rest of the semester), because he's working on a group project and hoping to get some hours in at work. He called me twice today. He is VERY worked up about not being able to walk for graduation. He is completely devastated about it. High emotions. Some tears. I talked him through it, like I have for other disappointments throught the years, but it breaks my heart. I'm encouraging him to come home to take his classes on-line if his senior project appointments allow. I hope he does. Even at 22, he needs him mom now.
Although the world seems to be going a little bonkers now, with the toilet paper hoarding and the like, I feel calm in the middle of the storm. I don't feel worried, or anxious, or scared. Well, I feel a bit worried for S22, but after he gets used to the new reality, that too will be less worrisome.
I really believe my faith journey over the past 1 1/2 years brought me to this place of peace. I know that I am loved. I am protected. I am provided for.
"When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul." Psalm 94:19
I continue to find that joy amongst the trials of the day.
