Through The Storm III

[KristinG]

Hmmm.. I'm definitely going to think of some near future things that I want and envision with everyone here. Thanks for the example Mumin - it gave me a clear picture of what that would look like. And, for the record, you and your daughters would have a blast in your own house. Playing hide and seek, relaxing, and watching movies together on your own couch in your own space, etc. It would be a home filled with love.

WW has been reaching out quite a bit and while I still respond, I am working on detaching and moving on. She says all of the right things, makes promises that this will all just be a bump in the road, and promises that we will be back together. I believe that she feels those things in her heart, and I do hope she's right, but it has to be backed up by action. She needs to work on herself and work through her own issues and I need to move on and work on my own. If we come together in the future, and she has truly done the work, amazing. If not, I'm going to continue my amazing life and surround myself with so much that I love. I'm not waiting on her to start that journey for myself.

One of my biggest weaknesses is being able to say "no". I never thought it was an issue because if I genuinely don't want to do something I have no problem saying no. HOWEVER, I have come to realize it's much deeper than that. It's saying "no" because even if you want to do something with every fiber of your being it wouldn't be healthy for you to do it. I don't know if it's that I'm fearful of backlash, fear of being shamed, or just too conflict-avoidant.

Example:
Eating an entire cheesecake because you just love cheesecake that much and can't say no! Fast forward 3 hours and your stomach feels like it's going to burst, you can't poop for a week, and now you can't even look at a cheesecake without wanting to hurl.

Do any of you wonderful people struggle with this? What are some good suggestions for learning to say no?

I have a birthday coming in the next week and I am almost positive I will be asked to join for birthday plans by ww. I am trying to brainstorm responses in saying no so that I can stand firm in my resolve to heal and not slip back into the proverbial trap of "back together" as I have in the past. I still want my MR, but not at the cost of my emotional well being and self respect.

KG