Maybe I'm deluding myself, but the goal of the last few interactions was not to tear him a new one, but to help him understand himself better, and me as well. To show that I do not hate him despite what he's done. I don't want to punish him or get revenge, I just want to move on and get away from him. I admit that I do get a little hung up on The Truth, because how do you have even a business-like relationship with someone whose sense of reality is so corrupted by self-deceit, and who projects that onto you to control the situation and f*ck with your own sense of reality?
scout ~
It is maddening, isn't it? You just want to sit down and have an honest conversation without all the raw emotion clouding everything. Agree to disagree, but at least have some basic understanding.
One time in my situation, my W said (condescendingly, no less): "I know how important it is to you for you to feel heard." And I thought... "Yeah, that's true for every human being on this planet!"
He doesn't want to hear you, and likely never will. And it won't be your fault for lack of trying. Whether he comes around or not is not within your control. Sure, you could probably sabotage it I guess, but you can't make it happen. It's one thing to let go of the MR. It's another to stop CARING about reality, about what the other person thinks, about how they interact with you, and your kid/s, and how you want them to know you aren't malevolent and vengeful.
You can't control it. You just can't. We all want the amicable split, and some of us can't have it. At least not in the short-term.
Acceptance is hard. I'm sorry you are going through this.
