She made a snide remark in a disrespectful tone in front of both kids.
Where im disappointed in myself is that I reacted in anger and not loving detachment. I told her that the disrespect stops right here. Im tired of it. I told her im not saying this out of control but to protect me. If she doesnt stop, then I will stop talking to her entirely.
Actually I don't think you should be disappointed, unless maybe it was the way you said it (yelling versus telling her sternly). It needed to be said. You set a boundary. Now it's important to STICK TO IT or she will continue the disrespect. How do you stick to it? If the disrespect continues then you shut her down just like you said you would.
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As expected it flipped on me, it was my fault she said things the way she did. I validated then challenged this.
That was an inappropriate time for validation. When you set a boundary then you stick to it, don't flip back and forth from demanding a boundary to validating. And don't challenge her, your boundary was what? You stop the disrespect OR I WILL STOP TALKING TO YOU ENTIRELY. So she flipped it on you, IE continued the disrespect and your response should have been to leave the room.
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Whats sad is Im sitting here knowing she'll passive aggressively get me back for bringing this up.
If she does then you enforce your boundary. Stop talking to her.
