1st Anniversary of Limbo, Indecisive WAH (part 2)

[Pommy99]

Thanks for the encouragement ladies. Day 3 and reality is starting to sink in. I feel really low today, and I’m now on enforced WFH so I can’t even escape the house and be with colleagues.

It’s starting to feel really painful. I had hoped I’d feel relief in some way that we had breathing space, but now I’m thinking of all the bad years of marriage, hearing him say even 3-4 weeks ago ILYB, knowing that he’s been needing to escape for a year or more, and feeling like there could never be any way back. I know it’s early days, and I need time to reflect and grow and act as if he’s never coming back. It’s hard to switch to that mentality, especially when the kids think or hope he’s coming back, because he told them he just needed some time on his own - made it sound like no big deal. I feel like if I resign myself to the fact he’s never coming back I am being negative, if I hold on to the thought he may come back, I’m being delusional and stopping myself from moving on. It’s hard to find the right mentality. But I really miss him. Even though I’ve seen him every day. Sunday night he dropped one daughter off and asked if he could come in and see the other. He kind of loitered a bit, and I knew he was fed up and not looking forward to going back to an empty house. Yesterday he came in twice, after taking the kids to the gym. I said he could make himself a coffee so he did, and we sat and chatted about the CV crisis. He had an awful day working from his house just on a poor 4g connection, said he felt demoralised and down. I guess it’s a big shock to him as well and we both need to get over those early feelings of the shock and fear of change before we can even begin to consider our emotions from a rational place. But right now I would have him back in a heartbeat...but then, I never wanted him to go did I.

OG I would love to hang out with you guys. We would all be so therapeutic for each other wouldn’t we! I’m thinking holidays on the west coast and trips around Europe, lol!! Or just a glass of wine and FaceTime would help right now!

Yes it was me who went for the g&t May! Thanks for toasting me! I’ve just been out at 8am and contributed to the panic buying by getting 6 bottles of wine. I’ve bought more wine in the last 10 days than I have toilet roll!