Husband Living a Double Life

[MoGirl]

I don't know what I want. I finally spoke to my H about his affair. It pi$$es me off that I had to contact him because he's a coward and was afraid to talk to me. Of course I ask him why and he tells me that he loves me, but he fell out of love with me two years ago (when he met the OW) and doesn't know why he didn't tell me or ask for a divorce. Of course his apologies and excuses are not enough for me. I don't believe him. He's only sorry that he got caught. Why string me along if he wants to be with the OW? I just don't get it. It's so cruel to do to someone.
We have had a few texts and phone conversations about putting the house on the market, splitting assets, etc. We want to be amicable and settle things before filing for divorce. Now I'm having second thoughts about a divorce. I was so sure of it, but now I'm back tracking and I'm not sure why. I don't see myself ever trusting this man again, I don't think he wants to reconcile, but I'm scared of getting a divorce. It's so final. I'm not sure what to do? Any advice? I told him I was still trying to wrap my head around everything that has happened and I needed some time to process everything.

To be quite honest, I'm scared to fight for this marriage. I don't think I can handle the feelings of rejection. I already feel rejected because he betrayed me with this OW, which I know he is still communicating with. I'm scared of these feelings.

Any advice?