Seperated but holding on for reconciliation

[sandi2]

I'm sure I have a WAW rather than a WW, but now I'm unsure if there is disrespect to address too.

That's odd, b/c her treatment toward you, says otherwise. She is much too angry and blames her unhappiness on you. You bent over backward trying to make things better, and then she blames you for making her lazy! She sees being out of this MR will bring her happiness, based on what she posted on SM. And, like WW's she wants to keep you as her Plan B, and that's why she will tell you she hasn't decided yet. The ring thing? It's just for show, and to keep the Pastor off her back. Sitting in church together, pretending to look like a family? Sorry, but it all aligns with hundreds of stories of WW's. BTW, the fact that you can't even tell when she is disrespectful, doesn't mean you can check off WW by her name.

Yes, you sound like a man with NGS. Instead of buying another book on MR's, I encourage you to buy the book that explains NGS. I think it could really help you with all your relationships.......but more especially, your MR.

So I get to this point:

Originally Posted by sandi2
Except for a couple of things I disagree with (if she's a wayward W) the same approach can be used.

What? Did it trip you when I said the same approach can be used, only a tougher version? Even in WW cases, the LBH still works on himself, GAL, detaches, stops going down cheeseless tunnels, drops the rope, etc.

With the new information in the passage quoted above - which says "the same approach can be used" - I wonder if ignoring it will encourage disrespect, and if so if drawing a line will help our situation. Of course I don't want to go the wrong way on this and certainly don't want to bring it up if it's a minor issue and part of her healing process, etc. I'm so lost and confused. I can't read W's mind. Is the anger coming from disrespect, or does it just look like disrespect because she's angry...?

Have you read Divorce Remedy? I don't know what you mean by "this new information".

The two of you are physically separated now, right? She didn't leave to work on the marital problems with you, right? The last thing she wants to do is work on the MR.

I had advice earlier in the thread that I should detach. With the new information in the passage quoted above - which says "the same approach can be used" - I wonder if ignoring it will encourage disrespect, and if so if drawing a line will help our situation

I'm not following what you mean. What would you ignore? Are you talking about your fear of detaching will make her disrespect you? No, that is a nice guy's fear.........and an excuse for not stepping back.

I can tell you that ignoring her bad behavior/treatment toward you will definitely encourage more disrespect. You need to stop taking her cr@p. The way she drove off without you, and how she treats you at church? That all screams disrespect.

You say you are sure she isn't wayward. I'll take a shot that you base that determination on the fact you see no evidence of her being in an affair. I hope you will brace yourself, b/c it won't be long until you hear she's "talking" to someone. She will claim they are just friends, but actually, he's been in the background. WW's have ulterior motives. She'll keep the full truth hidden from you, as long as possible.

If things don't work out for them, then she may assume she can just waltz back into the marital home on her own terms. How would you feel about it?