Scout, that is the advantage of hindsight. It allows you to connect the dots in a way that you can't in the moment. I married at 21. I ignored lots of red flags too. Important to see that, learn from it, and move on from it, but not beat yourself up about it. When we know better, we do better. Give that girl a big hug, and this one too who sees clearly now and is making choices to protect herself and her son.
You are such a very strong person. I'd love to see you turn that strength into some compassion for your STBX, for your sake and for your son's. Does he deserve it? Probably not, but you guys do. You have a lifetime of having to deal with him and the sooner you can see him as a former business partner with whom you have to engage rather than someone at the core of very powerful emotions, the easier and more pleasant for all of you. We can't change what happened in the past, but we can minimize the harm it causes us by keeping it there. I'm a much slower study than you, but through lots of trial and error I can tell you that the more I don't take the bait and feel the need to make a point or prove I know something, or inflict a little harm back, the better I feel about myself and my situation.
