Journaling... Did not see H much this past week and weekend due to his work schedule. 98% sure he lied and said he had to work his part time job on Friday night but went out instead. Even made up a generic statement about how it was on Friday. And to think one of the things I've always admired most about him was his honesty...
Feel like I've been grieving the loss of our MR and the H he has alot the last week. H really hasn't been himself for 2 years. I'm still grappling with not having that "person" to rely on, talk to, move forward confidently in life with. Friends and family just see us as a normal couple and it's embarrassing when they ask me questions or make assupmtions that we will do things together when I don't know the answer and I don't know how things will be a few months from now. I've read in other people's threads that it's better not to talk to anyone about your situation and perhaps even that the less people know your spouse wants to D, the less likely they are to follow through with it, so I've been maintaining this facade of a normal M to most people we know.
Trying to stay in the mindest that I don't need to put MY life on hold just becuase of him. For example, I want to take my daughter on a vacation this summer and I will move forward with planning whether he wants to come or not. It's been a big leap for me to realize that I can be happy even if my M is not in a good place.
