Sometime around this time period (2012-13) I booked myself into counselling without really understanding why I was so anxious and depressed. He agreed to come along to one session and we did a little written exercise that I also found in my notebook.
My concerns 1. I only get leftover time, not prime time 2. I push him away because I'm boring and sad 3. He feels trapped and obligated to take care of me when I get upset 4. He loses interest in me if I don't want to have sex or if it's boring 5. He only does things with me because I initiate them 6. I'm not outgoing enough for him 7. He doesn't want to engage with me because he's always on his phone or computer 8. He doesn't like our house because he can't escape me
His concerns 1. I can't do anything outside the house because it's time I could be spending with her 2. I get blamed for not being there when I have to work late 3. Quality time never counts as quality time to her 4. I am impatient
Again, I want to go back in time and give myself a big hug. I deserved so much better. I really debased and devalued myself to make him happy, but it was never enough. On the plus side, I will be much more deliberate when choosing my next partner and will never again invest in an emotionally immature and avoidant man. I'll also take my learnings into my next relationship, as I am by no means perfect either, but I am always trying to be better.
