Story and Symptoms of WAW/MLC Part 6

[Wolfman]

Hey Wolf and IH,

I wonder if if you two could post more productive posts on what you learned from your experiences and what you're doing to make sure it doesn't happen again. You indicate that your wives made the biggest mistakes of their lives but I'm wondering if your last few posts support evidence of that statement? It sounds more to me like you may have made some fake changes and when that didn't work you went back to being your true selves. Am I right or way off base?

One of the biggest things I have learned is to validate. I do it with my GF and it works wonders. Where in the past I would argue a point or say why does that bother you, that’s ridiculous. Now I listen and validate. I’m really trying to understand what my GF says to me and we have a fantastic relationship. I have learned that there is so much more than physical love. Meaning touching and being intimate. The emotional love is huge with my GF and it was big with my ex but I did drop the ball there. The 5 LL book helped me to understand that. What I receive as love may not be there love language, and it wasn’t for my ex and for my GF. So my GF is reaping the rewards of my changes. Another I learned from here is would I rather be right or happy. I now always choose happy. It’s been hard at times, I like to be right but it’s not worth it sometimes. I really wish I would have cake here before all of my drama but it is what it is. I am making the best of it now with my GF. My GF says to me all the time how understanding I am and how I understand her feelings (although not all the time but I am getting better with it). I am also more patient, where if I would get into an argument I would raise my voice right away. Now I just stay very calm. I love this board and how you all have helped me. I know I still make a lot of mistakes but I am trying hard every day to be a better person. Like I said, it’s too bad for my ex because she is missing out. If only she would have been patient our kids wouldn’t be going through this. My GG is crazy about me that’s because of the validation and understanding her love language.