Seperated but holding on for reconciliation

[JoeDredd]

Well, you may be tired of hearing from me.

Not at all, Sandi! I really appreciate all your help and insight. Please keep posting. I wish my wife and I could talk to you in person.

These differences are described in my first WW thread, "Help for the newcomer LBH with a WW".

Thanks. At first glance, my W definitely ticks some of the boxes but (thankfully) not all of them. Definitely these ones:

*She does not want to be fixed. Nobody can fix her, especially you.
*You cannot change her mind, influence, convince, or sway her by talk.
*Pursuit from her H only pushes her further away.
*She will blame her H for every thing wrong in her life. His apology does not erase her resentment. She will totally rewrite their marital history. She holds on to her anger toward him b/c it fuels her negative view of the M and justifies her present actions.

This is true too, but with the anger/resentment you mention as part of the WW definition:

The WAW may have just given up on the MR, or she may have a valid excuse to leave. However, she's not involved in an EA/PA/IA. She actually cares about the welfare of her children, and will make them a priority, rather than herself. She isn't out to do harm to her H.........but she is done with their M.

So I get to this point:

Except for a couple of things I disagree with (if she's a wayward W) the same approach can be used. The H's approach to a wayward W, is a tougher version. I explain why in the WW threads, but again, I'll try to give a shorter answer. The basic problem is the WW has lost respect and attraction for her H. The only thing she respects is strength. Therefore, he has to start there......commanding (not demanding) respect. The LBH could work himself into the grave, trying to fix all her complaints about him.......and her feelings still wouldn't change.

I'm sure I have a WAW rather than a WW, but now I'm unsure if there is disrespect to address too.
I did feel disrespected at times pre-BD and especially so when it happened in front of the children. This morning W dropped by with D12 to pick up D's umbrella on the way to school. Again, there was no greeting or anything; I was invisible until I said 'hello' a second time. I had advice earlier in the thread that I should detach. With the new information in the passage quoted above - which says "the same approach can be used" - I wonder if ignoring it will encourage disrespect, and if so if drawing a line will help our situation. Of course I don't want to go the wrong way on this and certainly don't want to bring it up if it's a minor issue and part of her healing process, etc. I'm so lost and confused. I can't read W's mind. Is the anger coming from disrespect, or does it just look like disrespect because she's angry...?