Oh my sweet wooba. Ex used to do this all the time. The perpetual victim.
Did I marry your ex or what?? It is uncanny that addicts follow the same playbook.
Another noteworthy day. H again asked me to step inside to the MBR to talk about finances regarding D. I politely refused to talk about it then and offered multiple time slots when I would be available next week during the week to discuss. I asked him to respect my safe space which is the MBR. He got worked up and cursed at me. Immediately following his f bomb, I calmly said I will exit the conversation now, and I left the MBR. (Kids were in the living room.)
Then he followed me out, wanting to continue the conversation. H explained that work will be crazy so he "out of respect for me" cannot agree to meet outside and talk about it. He said it's not that he wants to delay it, it's just he doesn't think he will me able to meet wtih me (what a bunch of crap). I said fine, let's talk about it right now at the dining table.
I listed out all of our accounts. Thank god we've kept our finances rather simple so it took only a few mins. He didn't really respond to it one way or the other. I proceeded to tell him about the lease and how I'm leaning towards looking for another place that would be cheaper considering after D I'd need to cut down on expenses. I told him how I will need to get rid of most furniture and items if I do have another place. He then said that he is willing to pay for the rent here on top of the child support so he can still keep his things here for the time being.
I told him, "Whatever unpleasant feelings you have for me right now, I want you to know that I don't have any hard feelings towards you. I wish you for you that you will get the help that you need." Of course, he pretty much did not receive my message, and said something like he's hurt by me so doesn't want to feel anything for me....he does not need help..etc.
oh, and he said, "our camping is still on right? (in April) I already paid for it!!!" (who cares about camping and why is it so effin important???"
So, I don't see things moving anywhere anytime soon. He is stalling, exactly like what I anticipated. He wanted to scare me with D talk, money talk, etc.....use my fears to manipulate me...I'm sorry, it no longer works on me. so finally the hate comes out. all the blame is placed on me.
My landlord later replied to me and said that they are willing to extend the lease. I'm both disappointed and relieved to hear this news. Once I sign another year, it's as if I'm agreeing to this status quo of sh*t for another year. But selling everything, packing, looking for another place, and moving all within 3 months....along with everything that's happening right now is also too much for me to handle. I want to draw my line with H clearly and just move forward with D. But I think the stress from the timing will crush me.
digging deeper for patience....and compassion.....
